Just a thought. Recently, I've had a number of conversations with people wondering if what they are doing matters. If they are doing what they should be doing. Why they look at other people and wonder if they should be doing "that" instead.
For the record, some of these people with whom I've spoken are doing incredible things. Truly epic things. World-saving, empire-building, record-breaking stuff! Living the sort of lives about which we think WE would be happy if only we were living them.
So, don't beat yourself up as you ask yourself these same questions!
LOVE yourself. ENJOY what you are doing. DREAM about what you'd like to do next. ACT to bring that new reality about.
And enjoy it all, because none of those parts of living are inherently better or more important than any of the others. Don't wait for anything to BE HAPPY.
BE HAPPY NOW :) And then go ahead and wonder all you want, notice the changes you want to make, act, fail, start again, laugh, cry, reset. You can be happy through all of that.
A sunrise earlier this week. Taken at side of Hwy in New York State.
On way home from watching meteor shower from top of AVT mountain.
So, it has been MONTHS since I have really published a blog post. In the meantime I have copied some of my Facebook statuses and reposted them. I have also started a catch-all post that touches on some of the ridiculous adventures I've taken part in during this absence. I tend to hold them up as my "too busy to write excuse too.
A funny thing happens when I don't post for a while - when I lose my momentum. I start wondering why I started writing to begin with. Wondering if anyone even cares about the somewhat self-indulgent ramblings I produce. And then the inertia sets in.
Thus, I am very grateful to "Titanium", a stranger who commented, tonight, on my 6 week old post Post-Marathon Bedtime Ramblings (yes, one of those "copied Facebook statuses), saying this ...
"I love this. I've come back to it again and again over the past couple weeks, on the heels of a spectacular failure of my own. Thanks for living it, for writing it. I needed the reminder that life is Now. Not then, not later. Now."
For some reason, I was especially grateful for that feedback tonight. And I reread it a few times. And decided it was time to write something again. Which is this.
Titanium's statement that "Life is Now. Not then, not later. Now." is exactly the topic of an Eckhart Tolle lecture I was watching this morning. It is actually fairly light, and even humorous, but it IS 2 hours long, so don't click for a quick look. I DO recommend taking the time to watch it at some point. He is a brilliant thinker and, as importantly, a wonderful "explainer".
PART ONE (1hr)
PART TWO (1hr)
The other thing that Titanium's message brought to my mind is an exchange I had a few years ago with the great Canadian writer/musician, Paul Quarrington. I had met Paul in 2008, spending an eventful day with him in Midland/Penetanguishene. Two years later I knew he was dying of cancer (as he had written a brilliant 3-part essay in the National Post about how he was dealing with his diagnosis - and dismal prognosis), and I sent him an email letting him know about the profound, positive impact he'd had on me.
Within hours, Paul sent me this reply,
"John, thanks for writing that. It really makes me feel good, to note that such paltry little pissants as words have a beneficial effect on people. So, I reckon I better keep it up for the time being!"
And he did, completing a final memoir "Cigar Box Banjo", that I read and enjoyed immensely, on last summer's canoe trip.
Here is a great video synopsis of the National Post interviews. It is ten minutes and absolutely magnificent!!
I think Paul finally got what I finally get that Titanium has also realized that Eckart Tolle has been telling us...
"The thing is, if you decide that life is beautiful, then one year isn't any less beautiful than thirty years."
And any time I needed to prove to myself that this was true, I just had to look at someone more ____ than myself.
And there was always someone more ____ than me, so it ended up being a bit of a trap.
And I found myself resenting people simply for being the way I wanted to be.
Which is quite crazy really.
So, somewhere along the way, I decided to stop doing that. Instead of comparing myself with everyone else, I would just love myself as I am and love them as they are.
And a great thing happened - suddenly I began to appreciate them for their "___ness", and the very characteristic that used to threaten me now made my world bigger and better.
And I usually found that people (at least the ones who find themselves loved and appreciated) are quite happy to share their "___ness" and that I ended up being way more ___ too, which was the exact result I had always wanted anyway.
Now, I am crazy blessed to know many of the "___est" people in the world.
Insert whatever awesome adjective you want ... nice! funny! cool! fit! fast! strong! smart! sexy! groovy! kind! inspiring! (Hell, so far that is just Olof Dallner! Haha!)
Some of them are my oldest friends and some are the newest. Every one of them is in some way "___er" than me, and I am so blessed by that.
So, my advice is simple: always find the best in people and celebrate the shit out of it.
Know that the easiest way to grow, joyfully, in the direction you want your life to go, is to be around people who already embody it.
And be equally appreciative and loving towards those people who see something great in you.
That is it. Carry on. I love you :)
P.S. If you are wondering if you are the one who is "___er" than I am, the answer is YES! Thank you for that.
P.P.S. Thanks to everyone who has been moved to share this post. It really resonated with me when I wrote it and I am glad that it resonated with you when you read it <3
Almost every morning that my daughter is with me she asks me to make her a fruit smoothie. Of course, I always do. Lately, she has often only been drinking a little bit and letting the rest go to waste. I was starting to get upset with her, and even thought of refusing to make them anymore. Then I realized this morning that my daughter does not care nearly as much about the fruit smoothies as she cares about having a loving dad who is happy make them for her. Suddenly I wasn't upset at all and was very grateful instead. Perspective is important ♥
P.S. All that said, I AM going to start making smaller ones! Haha ;)
Be grateful for difficulty. Most often, difficulty is the very thing that creates value.
... It is whatever makes your job difficult that makes it worth someone paying you to do. ... The wins we end up most proud of are the ones for which we had to fight the hardest. ... It is in our toughest times that we have to find the very best in ourselves.
What is the point of a life without difficulty? We should seek out difficulty, to stretch ourselves and grow. And when difficulty finds us, often in forms we would never choose, all we can do is embrace it, be grateful for it (however illogical as it may seem) and be made stronger by it - because it is happening anyway.
I am reminding myself of this lesson while life seems easy. So that it will be imprinted on my being for when I need it :)
From my Facebook status earlier this week ..
"I realized something important this morning. I am not any more blessed than anyone else. For years I have thought I had so much more to be grateful for than most people, because of the health and family and love in my life. But, even ignoring the many gifts others have that I may not (musical talent comes to mind), it has nothing to do with how many or how much. We ALL have 1,000,000+ things to be thankful for at any moment. The difference isn't whether it is 1,000,001 or 1,000,008. I am just deliciously aware of them all, and usually blissfully ignorant of where I am 'missing out'.
Two things come to mind ...
1. "There's only one reason why you're not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it's because you're thinking or focusing on what you don't have. Otherwise you would be experiencing bliss. You're focusing on what you don't have. But, right now you have everything you need to be in bliss." ~ Anthony DeMello
2. Rob Brezsny's "Glory In The Highest" ... http://www.revealingthesilence.com/lessons/glory.html
Life is Good <3"
So, on that note, enjoy this wonderful YouTube video :)
The Holstee Manifesto ... http://www.youtube.com/embed/QDmt_t6umoY
There have actually been a couple of abandoned posts recently.
The first is about my failure to complete this year's Death Race. It had been vacillating between self-flagellation for quitting and a straightforward recap of the race. Ultimately my takeaway from this year's event is a very positive, affirming one. When I arrived in Pittsfield I was surrounded by people who liked, even loved me. I then went out and utterly shit the bed in the race (people want to remind me that there is no shame in going 34+ hours and 50+ miles on limited food and water and no sleep, but I am not holding myself to the "participant ribbon" metric - I have to compare 2012 Johnny to 2011 Johnny who was still going much longer, in much worse shape with two broken feet and open strap sores and a huge smile). But, after quitting, I was STILL surrounded by people who liked, even loved me! I realized that whether I finished or not did not mean nearly as much as who I was being while finishing or not. I had amazing conversations with other defeated racers, wonderful support crews, locals. And I got to stick around and cheer on incredible finishers like Dan Grodinsky and Morgan McKay and so many others. Plus, after two ego-swelling back-to-back finishes, a bit of humility was probably in order, and humbled I was (though the title of this blog may not suggest that - ha!).
FYI - for anyone interested in reading some fantastic race reports from DR2012, check these links out!
Race Ipsa Loquitor, by Amelia Boone ... Stats & Thoughts (both well worth reading!)
A second abandoned post was about my being my own worst coaching client. It was written in a tongue-in-cheek style, but still continued the theme of self-deprecation. This seems a bit confusing, as I think I have been my usual happy, optimistic self. Being completely truthful, though, I do feel that I have been coasting a little of late and that, no doubt, is effecting this perspective.
So, having acknowledged that unflattering energy, I have decided to take stock ...
What is my "complaint"?
Well, I have not grown my coaching business as quickly or as substantially as I would like to have.
Ok, is that all?
Yes, actually. That is all. Everything else is truly crazy good.
Really?
Yes, really!
Then why is that one area, the growth of your business, lagging behind?
Because I have not focused my energy on it. I have been doing so much else.
And why have you not focused your energy on it?
Well, reflecting very honestly, I still have a story in my head that coaches tend to think they have the answers for what a good life looks like and are biased towards teaching people how to "play that game". And I don't want to be like that.
Are you like that?
No.
Great. Then what are you "like"?
I am committed to helping people develop a plan that is truly, authentically their own. So they can forget about living "The Dream" and live "Their Dream". In fact, the more "out there" it is, the better! ("Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live." ~ Charles Bukowski)
Perfect. So are you ready to give up that story and start helping people like you know you can?
Absolutely!
Good. Then get to it. (By the way, Johnny, stop being such an asshole, assuming you know what other coaches are "like". They are as unique as you are!)
Great. That takes care of that. I guess the next thing to look at is this - "If I have not been focusing enough energy on building my coaching business, what have I been spending my time doing?"
signed on as "resident hypnotherapist" for Inochi Spa
been a founding member of the Orillia Wellness Network - a group of Natural Health Practitioners who meet to support one another in our respective practices
shared countless inspiring stories and links on my Facebook page, with regular feedback that it has made a positive difference in the lives of many people
trained my way into the best shape of my life, running regularly, lifting/Crossfitting 4 times per week
continued selling enough real estate and Versapay services to finance my life, pay fair support to Karen, race, and build my coaching business
As you can see, I have really been sitting on my thumbs! Ok, Ok!! So I HAVE been actively coaching and building up a phenomenal life! I may not have monetized it as effectively yet as I would like, but I have certainly been living in harmony with what is important to me.
Thinking back a few years, I also did something enormous that was very scary and difficult. I chose to give up a life that was perfectly fine. I had a good career with solid income. I had a beautiful wife whom I loved. I had a nice house and nice cars. I received tons of awards and recognition for my professional and civic work. I was a great Dad (still am, despite not living together full-time). And, yet, it did not feel like the life I was meant to live. I was successful by every definition of the word, but I did not feel authentic. Just this week I received my copy of a documentary I helped fund through Kickstarter, called "I'm Fine Thanks". It describes, almost to a tee, where I was at. It will not resonate with everyone, but some of you will see yourselves in this trailer.
People often tell me that it was a classic mid-life crisis. And I say, "You are goddamned right it was!!" And I am eternally grateful for having it. The other thing that I will always be grateful for is this - after Karen and I had determined that our core values were not in synch (hers being "comfort and security" and mine being "growth and adventure"), and I had decided that I needed to leave, she said to me, "Johnny I do understand. I hate it but I get it. Please just promise me that you WILL go out and live a life of adventure and growth and contribution like you want to. Don't just fall into the same comfortable life with someone else. I am giving you my blessing to be you - please do something amazing with that."
That is absolutely one of the highest expressions of love I have ever known.
And I think I have done that, to a degree. Admittedly, I have taken some baby steps where I would normally dive in head first - but I think that is understandable given the huge life changes I was navigating, and the evolution of my responsibilities and role as a father, ex-husband, friend. It would have been selfish and irresponsible to throw caution completely to the wind and put everything into an untested venture. Instead, I straddled both worlds - one foot in the safe, known world that I knew would allow me to provide for my kids financially, and the other solidly on the path of adventure and innovation. Looking at the life I have today - especially the unique and amazing friendship I have with Karen (and I am SO happy for, and proud of, her for the amazing life she has built - beautiful home, fulfilling work, amazing blog, and her own awesome adventures) and the ridiculously loving, fun bond I have with Katy and Jack - I don't think I would change a thing.
And now I am poised to "boom" again! All of the pieces are in place to make a massive difference in the lives of a great many people and to really kick out the jams with Alter Ego Life Adventure Company. In fact, it is already happening. Since I began this blog post almost two weeks ago (yep, crazy huh?!) - in addition to running the Tough Mudder, MCing a wedding of great friends, canoeing north of Temagami with Jack and playing in the Father and Three Sons Golf Classic with my Dad and brothers - I delivered a day-long "Infinite Possibilities" workshop with rave reviews. Have fielded numerous inquiries to set up similar events with other groups. Taken on three new coaching clients. I have been contracted to speak at a college next month. I have been asked to help organize a broader regional workshop for natural health practitioners. And I have firmed up a contract for the largest single paycheque of my life. Not bad for a couple of weeks, most of which were spent having fun and living my awesome life!
Why? Because I simply decided that this is how it is going to be. I reaffirmed my belief in myself. I set my intention. I put myself out there. I trusted the Universe (if you don't think it works, read this!)
Nike says Just Do It. This was put more eloquently in the following quotation ...
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”
~ Universally misattributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, but powerful nonetheless!
And a more contemporary expression of the same idea, IS definitively attributable to Ben Lee :)
And the VERY BEST PART! My dream, my job, my driving passion ... is helping other people find and act on theirs. How great is that?! As I often wrap up my Facebook posts ... "LIFE IS GOOD!"
Except that nothing about the story makes sense. So, my 13 year old son, Jack, suggested I share my version and ask for suggestions as to what could have been at play. Here goes ...
I had a couple of meetings in Toronto Tuesday, and brought Jack to the city with me to longboard with his cousin, Grant. After connecting the boys in the morning, I attended my two meetings, taking me through into the early afternoon.
On my way across town, to my cousin's house in "The Beaches", I stopped to buy a Tim Horton's frozen raspberry-lemonade, a sweet - albeit unhealthy - treat. The older lady (65?) poured the syrup into the cup, followed by some slushed ice, and blended it up. When she handed it to me it did not look as pink as I'm used to - more orangey in fact. Walking down the street, it tasted less than great but was still cold and somewhat refreshing, so I finished it and thought nothing more of it.
I arrived at my cousin's to find no one home and the doors locked. They have a great outdoor sofa in the back garden, with a shade cover, so I laid out on that to enjoy some chill time before everyone got home. Soon I was drifting in and out of a very foggy sleep. At one point I heard voices in the house and called out to Grant's sister, Avalon, who opened the sliding door then carried on with her girlfriends. Next time I woke up I was sprawled on a pile of vinyl patio cushions in the basement. I vaguely remember walking up the stairs and finding the living room couch. Which is where is stayed for the next few hours.
During this uncharacteristic afternoon slumber I found I was somewhat aware of my surroundings but entirely unable to interact. Several times I heard the kids come into the room and comment on the fact that I was sleeping, but I couldn't open my eyes or speak, much less get up and join in any activity.
Eventually I "came to" and heard Jack and Grant on the upper level. I walked up and asked what was going on. They were playing computer games, so paid me little mind as I crashed on Grant's bed for another half hour. Then I must have wandered back down to the couch, because that is where I woke up when Suzy (Grant's mom and my cousin) got home. IT WAS 7:30PM!!!
We laughed at my sleepiness and chalked it up to some much-needed downtime. After a nice, casual dinner, Jack and I left at about 8:30pm. As soon as we got into the car we both noticed an overwhelming smell like cough syrup. On investigating, we found that it was coming from the empty Tim Horton's cup that had contained the frozen lemonade. I bundled it with other garbage and pitched it. In hindsight I should have maybe kept it to be tested.
Jack and I laughed about the strangeness of the afternoon and bantied around theories about what could have happened. He said that he was fairly certain he hadn't seen an elderly lady in a brown uniform and hairnet violating me on the couch. My wallet was in my pocket, with all of my cards intact. It looked like this one was going into the "mystery file".
A large Starbucks coffee got us safely through the drive home, then I slept soundly through the night.
So, I am throwing an open question out there.
W.T.F. ???????
Was I drugged? If so, why??
Could the syrup have simply gone bad? And why would it have affected me that way?
Am I just getting old and crazy?
All valid possibilities I guess. What are your thoughts?
Anyway, that is my story and I am sticking to it. Well, gotta go. My new neighbour just dropped off a tray of brownies. They look a little green but are strangely delicious. I think I will eat a few ...
I have no plans today. There are countless things I could be doing ... including Mariposa Folk Festival, work, cleaning my home ... but I have decided to commit to none of those. Instead I am hanging out with my son and his best friend, Lucas, doing whatever they want. That likely puts me primarily in the role of chauffeur/financier, but I'm good with that.
Reflecting on "not having an agenda" reminds me of a hugely important lesson I learned several years ago at a music festival, Gathering Of The Vibes, near Albany, NY.
Midway through the second day of the Grateful Dead inspired event there was a big rainstorm. When the sky cleared there was mud everywhere, and rivers of water running down the walkways. I saw a lovely young mom walking with her toddler, naked in rubber boots (the toddler, not the young mom - though that would have been awesome!). The free-spirited youngster walked twenty yards and then turned around, retracing his/her (can't remember) steps against the predominant flow of festival-goers. The mom followed along blissfully. Then they turned and followed their initial route for a few minutes, before doubling back yet again.
As this loop continued, I found myself a bit confused. "Where the Hell are they going?", I asked myself. The answer, of course, was nowhere. And that is what was strange to me. There was no agenda. No "Come on, sweetheart, WE are going this way." I realized how often (always) my time with my kids was actually all about my plans. This mother was modelling such unconditional love and devotion to her child and his/her serendipitous enjoyment of the day. I vowed to remember that example and apply it often in my own life.
So, that brings me back to today. Fittingly, it rained this morning. I don't think I have to worry about the boys wanting to traipse about naked in rubber boots but, shy of that, they are calling the shots.
And I am that parent who will be smiling at their wonderfulness and happy just being.
I have been feeling a tad guilty the past few weeks about my complete lack of blogging since Death Race 2013. Then I remember how ridiculously self-important that is, thinking that anyone is hanging on my every word. Still, there are a few things from last month that I feel like I am supposed to be writing about ...
my experience in Pittsfield, VT at the 2013 Spartan Death Race. The very short preview is this; I did NOT finish this summer's race (as opposed to my first 2 attempts, which were both successful). I made some terrible decisions at the very start of the race that bit me in the ass such that I dropped out after 34 hours and 50+ miles with zero food or sleep. Ultimately, there is far more for me to learn (and share) from this "failure" than even my past successes, so I will be back with those thoughts soon.
my trip to Orlando to study with Mike Dooley. His "Gifts From The Universe" Conference (training us to deliver the material in his Infinite Possibilities book) was fantastic! Even getting there was a great story in itself, but the program and the people I shared it with were phenomenal. A bonus was spending time with Frank Ferrante, who was not only the keynote speaker but also a conference attendee. I will be delivering the program material later this summer, and will have those details available next week.
attending Roger Water's live performance of The Wall at Rogers Center in Toronto. This was a spontaneous adventure, deciding at 6pm (at my son Jack's urging) to drive to Toronto for the 8pm concert - by myself. It was beyond amazing and brought up some strong feelings and interesting lessons.
this past weekend's trip to Rothbury, Michigan with Katy and Jack and my friend Amanda, for Electric Forest Music Festival. Four days of electronic music in a magical setting, it was nearly perfect. I am so crazy blessed that my teenagers still enjoy hanging out with me and will travel across the country with me to hang out for a weekend adventure.
So, why have I NOT been writing about all of this? Well, I have barely sat down at my computer, except to catch up on work. In the midst of all of that I have conducted several hypnosis sessions, shot another season of Arts Scene Orillia (with more interviews this weekend at the Mariposa Folk Festival), started teaching Crossfit classes, sold some houses, BBQ'd at Marchmont Public School's year end celebrations, attended my son's Grade 8 graduation, volunteered at the Toronto Spartan Race, hosted a showing of "Happy" at my Elevate Orillia Uplifting Film Series, attended the inaugural luncheon meeting of Orillia area natural health practitioners, done about a dozen radio interviews, and pretty much just been extraordinarily grateful for my awesome life.
None of that is meant as an "Oh I am so busy" rant. Anything but! I don't feel overwhelmed or overburdened. I just feel lucky! And the next month is a bit more wide open (making room for a bunch of kiteboarding with Katy and Jack. Ok, and a few more music festivals!!)
Speaking of "Too Busy Rants", read this wonderful piece from The New York Times ... "THE BUSY TRAP" (Well worth the few minutes, no matter how busy you are!) ... a highlight: "More and more people in this country no longer make or do anything tangible; if your job wasn’t performed by a cat or a boa constrictor in a Richard Scarry book I’m not sure I believe it’s necessary. I can’t help but wonder whether all this histrionic exhaustion isn’t a way of covering up the fact that most of what we do doesn’t matter."
So, I will be back soon with the aforementioned promised posts. But first, I realize I did not annotate the video at the top of this blog. That is Ze Frank. He is one of my very favourite recent finds, and so many of his videos speak "directly" to me. I leave you here with one of his best <3
This morning, I had a wonderful, simple email exchange that made my day.
I had received a message from Ontario Car Kit Consultants, a very cool company owned and operated by my friend, Ed Konda (I have written about Ed and his company in this blog before - "Some Friends Indeed"). This particular message was an update on his latest project - a dune buggy. Here is a picture of that magical-machine-in-progress, alongside some of OCKC's other incredible builds.
Reflecting on my admiration for Ed's willingness to "follow his bliss", I sent him a one-line email ... "Truly living the dream!"
Ed soon responded with "As are you my friend... Modern gladiator going from challenge to challenge, training self and others along the way."
I had never before considered that perspective on my life, but I really like the way it sounds. Even more than the first part of that idea, embodied by my Death Race adventure this coming weekend, I am proud of the thought that I get to be a contribution to others. As I enter into the second half of my life (I turned 44 this week), my education is really just gearing up - and it is all about how to help others better prepare themselves for their own life adventures (e.g. certified hypnotherapist, Crossfit trainer, Infinite Possibilities coach, meditation instruction).
In the fantastic film series I recently introduced in my hometown, Elevate Orillia, we screened "Finding Joe" last week.
I am truly grateful for my life, my adventure, and all of the awesome people like Ed who help me see greatness in myself and others.
A friend emailed me just now, explaining that he'd allowed himself to fall out of shape, and asking for advice as to how to turn that around. This is a great guy who has everything in the world going for him - smart, healthy, handsome, beautiful wife (inside and out), awesome kids - and yet we have had this same conversation, ongoing, for the past year and a half. I sent him the following email about 5 minutes ago - because I love him and his family and I want him to ROCK life!
Then I thought, "Hey. This is not just him. This is SOOOO many of my friends. And sometimes I am on that list too!"
So, here is my advice (actually, here are three other awesome people's advice repackaged as my own!)
then be the guy who can help someone in the same spot you were way back "now" - go from consumer of information and tips to producer/distributor, because you really do already have it all
Today, one of my Death Race friends posted a video of a deaf child having his cochlear implant turned on for the first time (thanks Michael Petrizzo). It was beautiful to watch and led me to watch several similar videos. Including the one below.
This is a 29 year old woman who had been deaf her whole life. In her wonderful blog, In The World But Not Of The World, she shares how hard she had worked, for as long as she could remember, at speech therapy and how grateful she was for all of her many blessings - despite not being able to hear. Her reaction to the device being turned on is awesome. Such overwhelming joy and appreciation.
I can't imagine watching this without being moved by such a profound moment for her, and I am immensely grateful to be able to witness that miracle. And yet, it is no less miraculous that you can hear, or that I can hear. Every sound is just as beautiful, or more, than that therapist's voice. Except that we have, naturally, come to take them for granted.
“Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.”
~ Aldous Huxley
Every single day there are countless visions that would seem overwhelmingly beautiful if you could just "allow" yourself to see the for the first time again. Your child's face. A moonrise. A maple tree framed by the blue sky. If we were to remove the automatic filter of familiarity we would find ourselves weeping too.
And so far I am just addressing what is on the surface - the concrete stimuli available to our physical senses. Though that alone is a bounty beyond measure. The smell of surf. The taste of a grandmother's baking. The feel of a loved one's fingers tickling your neck.
“When something does not insist on being noticed, when we aren’t grabbed by the collar or struck on the skull by a presence or an event, we take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.”
-Cynthia Ozick
Then there are the intangibles. Love. Joy. Bliss. Wonder. Gratitude itself (I have thought how grateful I am to be someone who is grateful).
One may also consider what is beyond even that. Or behind it, as you may believe. In this video, Richard Feynman talks about the beauty that he sees as a scientist. Please take what works for you from this short film. He shares his skepticism about organized religion and, while my view is not dissimilar from his, I do not wish to challenge or disrespect anyone's beliefs (and will, in fact, make it up to you in the next video) ...
As the images in Feynman's "Beauty" video remind us, there is so much to be grateful for. I would actually assert that there is EVERYTHING to be grateful for. Yes, everything.
Cancer survivors often talk of their gratitude for all of the good that the disease brought into their lives. Including Lance Armstrong - “It gave me a chance to re-evaluate my life and my career. Cancer certainly gives things a new perspective. I would not have won the Tour de France if I had not had cancer. It gave me new strength and focus.”
Mark Zupan, quadriplegic star of the documentary "Murderball" says, "Breaking my neck was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have an Olympic medal. I've been to so many countries I would never have been, met so many people I would never have met. I've done more in the chair, ... than a whole hell of a lot of people who aren't in chairs."
Just over a month ago, Travis Mills, an American soldier, lost all four limbs to an improvised explosive device in Afghanistan. In this news video, he is upbeat and optimistic and says, “My life’s not over. It’s got a little more unique.” He hopes to work as a motivational speaker, or perhaps, find a way to stay in the military and help instruct soldiers. “I’m just inspired to get better, because I have things I want to do with my life.”
You get the point, but here is one more video. It is somewhat of a counterpoint to Richard Feynman's position, but is also similar in that it demonstrates how important it is to have a "bigger picture" perspective, whatever form it may take for you.
Here is something I'd ask you to think about ...
If these people can find a way to be grateful for disease and disability, could you take a moment every day to be profoundly grateful for your health? And whatever problems you may be facing, could you also get very present to the nearly infinite blessings you are still presented with in your life? Whatever your situation, you are far better served by finding the good in it than the bad.
No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities - always see them, for they're always there.
~ Norman Vincent Peale
I have posted this next link many times - and I don't mind promising that I will share it many more! Rob Brezsny's essay "Glory In The Highest" is one of the most impactful things I have ever read. He points out clearly, specifically, just how astonishingly much is going RIGHT for us at any given moment. Please read this (you can download a .pdf >HERE<, and remember it anytime you start to feel like a victim of the world ...
Thousands of things go right for you every day, beginning the moment you wake up. Through some magic you don't fully understand, you're still breathing and your heart is beating, even though you've been unconscious for many hours. The air is a mix of gases that's just right for your body's needs, as it was before you fell asleep.
You can see! Light of many colors floods into your eyes, registered by nerves that took God or evolution or some process millions of years to perfect. The interesting gift of these vivid hues comes to you courtesy of an unimaginably immense globe of fire, the sun, which continually detonates nuclear reactions in order to convert its body into light and heat and energy for your personal use.
Did you know that the sun is located at the precise distance from you to be of perfect service? If it were any closer, you'd fry, and if it were any further away, you'd freeze. Here's another one of the sun?s benedictions: It appears to rise over the eastern horizon right on schedule every day, as it has since long before you were born.
Do you remember when you were born, by the way? It was a difficult miracle that involved many people who worked hard on your behalf. No less miraculous is the fact that you have continued to grow since then, with millions of new cells being born inside you to replace the old ones that die. All of this happens whether or not you ever think about it.
On this day, like almost every other, you have awoken inside a temperature-controlled shelter. You have a home! Your bed and pillow are soft and you're covered by comfortable blankets. The electricity is turned on, as usual. Somehow, in ways you're barely aware of, a massive power plant at an unknown distance from your home is transforming fuel into currents of electricity that reach you through mostly hidden conduits in the exact amounts you need, and all you have to do to control the flow is flick small switches with your fingers.
You can walk! Your legs work wonderfully well. Your heart circulates your blood all the way down to replenish the energy of the muscles in your feet and calves and thighs, and when the blood is depleted it finds its way back to your heart to be refreshed. This blessing recurs over and over again without stopping every hour of your life.
Your home is perhaps not a million-dollar palace, but it's sturdy and gigantic compared to the typical domicile in every culture that has preceded you. The floors aren't crumbling, and the walls and ceilings are holding up well, too. Doors open and close without trouble, and so do the windows. What skillful geniuses built this sanctuary for you? How and where did they learn their craft?
In your bathroom, the toilet is functioning perfectly, as are several other convenient devices. You have at your disposal soaps, creams, razors, clippers, tooth-cleaning accessories: a host of products that enhance your hygiene and appearance. You trust that unidentified scientists somewhere tested them to be sure they're safe for you to use.
Amazingly, the water you need so much of comes out of your faucets in an even flow, with the volume you want, and either cold or hot as you desire. It's pure and clean; you're confident no parasites are lurking in it. There is someone somewhere making sure these boons will continue to arrive for you without interruption for as long as you require them.
Look at your hands. They're astounding creations that allow you to carry out hundreds of tasks with great force and intricate grace. They relish the pleasure and privilege of touching thousands of different textures, and they're beautiful.
In your closet are many clothes you like to wear. Who gathered the materials to make the fabrics they're made of? Who imbued them with colors, and how did they do it? Who sewed them for you?
In your kitchen, appetizing food in secure packaging is waiting for you. Many people you've never met worked hard to grow it, process it, and get it to the store where you bought it. The bounty of tasty nourishment you get to choose from is unprecedented in the history of the world.
Your many appliances are working flawlessly. Despite the fact that they feed on electricity, which could kill you instantly if you touched it directly, you feel no fear that you're in danger. Why? Your faith in the people who invented, designed, and produced these machines is impressive.
It's as if there's a benevolent conspiracy of unknown people that is tirelessly creating hundreds of useful things you like and need.
There's more. Gravity is working exactly the way it always has, neither pulling on you with too much or too little force. How did that marvel ever come to be? By some prodigious, long-running accident? It doesn't really matter, since it will continue to function with astounding efficiency whether or not you understand it.
Meanwhile, a trillion other elements of nature's miraculous design are expressing themselves perfectly. Plants are growing, rivers are flowing, clouds are drifting, winds are blowing, animals are reproducing. The weather is an interesting blend of elements you've never before experienced in quite this combination. Though you may take it for granted, you relish the ever-shifting sensations of light and temperature as they interact with your body.
There's more. You can smell odors and hear sounds and taste tastes, many of which are quite pleasing. You can think! You're in possession of the extraordinary gift of self-awareness. You can feel feelings! Do you realize how improbably stupendous it is for you to have been blessed with that mysterious capacity? And get this: You can visualize an inexhaustible array of images, some of which represent things that don't actually exist. How did you acquire this magical talent?
By some improbable series of coincidences or long-term divine plan, language has come into existence. Millions of people have collaborated for many centuries to cultivate a system for communication that you understand well. Speaking and reading give you great pleasure and a tremendous sense of power.
Do you want to go someplace that's at a distance? You have a number of choices about what machines to use in order to get there. Whatever you decide — car, plane, bus, train, subway, ship, helicopter, or bike — you have confidence that it will work efficiently. Multitudes of people who are now dead devoted themselves to perfecting these modes of travel. Multitudes who are still alive devote themselves to ensuring that these benefits keep serving you.
Maybe you're one of the hundreds of millions of people in the world who has the extraordinary privilege of owning a car. It's a brilliant invention made by highly competent workers. Other skilled laborers put in long hours to extract oil from the ground or sea and turn it into fuel so you can use your car conveniently. The roads are drivable. Who paved them for you? The bridges you cross are potent feats of engineering. Do you realize how hard it was to fabricate them from scratch?
You're aware that in the future shrinking oil reserves and global warming may impose limitations on your ability to use cars and planes and other machines to travel. But you also know that many smart and idealistic people are diligently striving to develop alternative fuels and protect the environment. And compared to how slow societies have been to understand their macrocosmic problems in the past, your culture is moving with unprecedented speed to recognize and respond to the crises spawned by its technologies.
As you travel, you might listen to music. Maybe you've got an MP3 player, a fantastic invention that has dramatically enhanced your ability to hear a stunning variety of engaging sounds at a low cost. Or maybe you have a radio. Through a process you can't fathom, music and voices that originate at a distance from you have been converted into invisible waves that bounce off the ionosphere and down into your little machine, where they are transformed back into music and voices for you to enjoy.
Let's say it's 9:30 a.m. You've been awake for two hours, and a hundred things have already gone right for you. If three of those hundred things had not gone right — your toaster was broken, the hot water wasn't hot enough, there was a stain on the pants you wanted to wear — you might feel that today the universe is against you, that your luck is bad, that nothing's going right. And yet the fact is that the vast majority of everything is working with breathtaking efficiency and consistency. You would clearly be deluded to imagine that life is primarily an ordeal.
... if all of my positivity and gratitude "works". The answer is a resounding "YES"!
In the macro, I get to be a happy, blessed person day in and day out. No "in order to" or "because of". I just am.
But, it is the "micro" about which I am writing today. Real world results. Where the rubber hits the road. So, here is a true, recent, personal story about my putting my trust in "The Universe" to help me with something specific and measurable.
Three days ago I was facing a dilemma. There is a coaching course I had been invited to attend, training me to deliver a program that I knew would add greatly to my ability to help people. Financially, though, it was not feasible. Taking stock of my other obligations, I knew I had to say "No" and pass on this great opportunity.
When I woke up the next morning, however, I was still asking myself if I might be overlooking some way to make it happen. After some focused meditation on the matter, later in the day, I wrote this blog post ... "A Note TO The Universe", and published it just before going to bed.
Well, I woke up to find that, thanks to the generosity, trust and confidence of so many friends (and the "miracle" of Interac email transfers and PayPal), overnight I had received almost exactly the amount of the course! So I did it - I am registered and confirmed for Mike Dooley's "Train The Trainers" conference in Orlando, June 8-10, 2012. And over the next day and a half, the rest of the course was covered and most of my flight.
And that is just the beginning! Here are other amazing results from that one simple experiment ...
enough people Pre-Registerd to fill TWO sessions of my "Gifts From The Universe" program this Summer!
plus, several friends in the Toronto area sent contributions - despite not knowing if they'd be able to attend. So, I AM HOLDING A SPECIAL G.T.A. EVENT THIS AUTUMN especially for those awesome people!
several people said they want so much for their kids to experience this positive message and approach - enough that I AM DESIGNING A VERSION OF THE PROGRAM SPECIFICALLY FOR YOUNG PEOPLE AGES 12-16. Stay tuned for details.
many people chose to SPONSOR a stranger in the program - something that moved me quite literally to tears of gratitude and admiration - and I will be offering those spots to wonderful people who could not otherwise afford to attend. IN ADDITION to honouring all of those spots, I am going to be working with the director of the local Youth Center to deliver the program (as often as desired) to at-risk youth in Orillia and area.
Only AFTER registering, did I find out that Mike JUST announced who his Saturday dinner speaker is going to be ... FRANK FERRANTE! Anyone who attended the Premiere of Elevate Orillia (Uplifting Film Series), will recognize him as the star of "May I Be Frank". So, this is a massive bonus for me!
There was another phenomenal benefit to all of this. I generally do not like to ask for help - and I will admit that it is all because of ego. It was very therapeutic to admit that I could not do this on my own, and to ask others to consider helping me make it happen.
My approach was inspired by Kickstarter campaigns (I recently contributed to Theo Dore's album "Loveolutionary Music", the film "People In Motion" and a similar initiative by Sleeper Records on RocketHub). In each case, there is no "panhandling" involved. The objective of the project is clearly stated, and its spirit honestly expressed. If people are inspired to be part of what you are up to, they are rewarded with something of value ... in my case, deeply discounted registration in a "Gifts From The Universe" course to be offered later this summer.
People really do want to help where they can. Every email and money transfer that I received included the comment that the sender was so happy to be able to assist me in pursuing this opportunity. They were far less motivated by the proferred reward than by the chance to express their love and contribute to something worthwhile. This moved me deeply and was both affirming and humbling.
I learned that there is nothing wrong with asking for help! People who wanted to help did, and I am so grateful. People who weren't moved to weren't, and I don't mind a bit. Every day we make choices about where to place our attention, energy and money. I decline many requests, both direct and indirect. But I also accept many - and am always enriched by that choice. The album, movie and record label in the examples above are a perfect illustration of this - I am very proud to be a small part of those awesome endeavours. Similarly, everyone who has contributed to my upcoming adventure with Mike Dooley feels very good about their role in that!
So, three weeks from now I will be in Orlando, being trained personally by one of our greatest living teachers, Mike Dooley, and "breaking bread" with Frank Ferrante. I will post a blog(s) about the event and will, of course, keep my "funders" apprised as the resulting program takes shape and is ready to be delivered this Summer and Autumn.
I often post Jason Mraz's amazing ode to Gratitude (Who I Am Today), but today I feel that this other song of his is even more fitting ;)
IMPORTANT NOTE: Since this IS really happening, and I AM offering the "Gifts From The Universe" program this year, anyone who wishes to register before June 8th, can do so at the "Thanks for Helping me Manifest This" rate, as per the instructions in the aforementioned blog post :)
AT THE END OF THIS BRIEF POST, I WILL ASK YOU TO TAKE AN ACTION THAT WILL MAKE A MASSIVE DIFFERENCE FOR ME, YOU, AND MANY OTHERS!
If you happen to be on my Facebook friends list, you have no doubt seen me post "Notes From The Universe". The most recent one I shared was just yesterday.
"If you knew how much you have in common with every single person now living in time and space, in terms of your deepest hopes and dreams, fears and worries, you'd wonder how I manage to tell you all apart."
They are written by Mike Dooley, and invariably inspire me while pointing the way to my becoming an even better human being. If you are interested in receiving these "free daily reminders of life's magic and your power", please click >>HERE<< to register. It is as simple as entering your name and email address. Trust me, you will be very glad that you did!
Several years ago, I declared that my life would be defined by "JOYFUL ADVENTURE AND LOVING CONTRIBUTION". I am doing my best to live up to that credo, and I believe I am doing a pretty decent job of it. In addition to being kind and generous in my day-to-day activities, I have been able to make a positive difference for hundreds of people through my hypnotherapy practice, as well as coaching and personal training. While I live (by choice) relatively simply, I am as happy as I could ever have imagined, with fulfilling work, incredible children, and exciting adventures (including my extreme endurance racing challenges, through which I have been able to raise thousands of dollars for support groups for children with cancer). I wish for everyone to experience this kind of joy.
Recently I committed to designing an inexpensive program I can offer to people who "just don't know where to begin". I have met so many folks over the years who are wishing desperately to start moving their lives in the "right" direction, and I know that I can help them. In researching and generating material for this program, I have found myself referring to Mike Dooley's work more than anyone else's, because of its beautiful simplicity and remarkable accessibility for pretty much anyone in any circumstance.
Getting to the point of this post - this week I received an invitation to be trained personally by Mike, becoming certified to deliver exactly the sort of program I have described. Mike initially developed this material while working with prison inmates, speaking to them "about life's beauty and power ... to help them deal more effectively with life and make better choices upon their release." After tremendous success with that population, Mike extended the training to people in addiction counselling, to victims of violence, to at-risk-youth. Of course, the same principles and philosophies - optimism, personal responsibility, possibility thinking - are equally valuable to people in less dire straits as well. Reflecting on this, I realized that, rather than "reinventing the wheel", it makes infinitely more sense for me to work directly with one of my greatest "mentors", and to be better equipped, sooner, to help more people fully embrace and enjoy their lives.
My challenge is this - the training is in Florida, next month. It is very reasonable, with my tuition and travel expenses totaling less than $1,000.00, but I simply cannot afford to go. Between providing for my kids, investing in my business, covering my racing expenses, and taking so much time away from work to volunteer as a youth wrestling coach, my finances are as tight as most people's. In fact, just last evening, I decided that I could not possibly attend and actually declined the invitation.
Still, I tossed and turned all night (odd for me, a deep deep sleeper), knowing that I am supposed to attend this training and deliver this valuable work. So, on waking, I turned to my "Notes From The Universe Perpetual Flip Calendar" for ideas. Thumbing randomly through the pages, these are the first thoughts that jumped out at me...
"Whether or not you can now see it, there is always a way. Let this truth be the guiding light in all you think, say, and do."
and
"If it's hard, there's something you're missing. Give it a little more thought, and remember, you're not alone - you have "helpers", and the entire Universe is on your side ... with insights, guidance, and support only a whisper away."
So, this afternoon, I sat with that for a few minutes. Alone. In silence. And then, in an instant, I knew how to make this all work. I remembered that the whole motivation for taking this training is to offer a very affordable, very effective program for people. And I am already blessed with a great many people who have seen the difference that I make in the world and who have tremendous confidence in my ability to help others.
So, THE SOLUTION: Offer YOU the opportunity to register yourself, or another, in the workshop, in advance, at a huge discount. Y'all will be my "charter" attendees in my "Gifts From The Universe" program, to be delivered in Orillia, Ontario in July and August of this year. WIN, WIN! I get to take this training now, and you get to benefit from it in the immediate future at a small fraction of the cost and value of the program.
(UPDATE: As one of the very first to respond to this idea was a dear friend in Toronto, I have decided to offer a few of these initial workshops in "the city" as well! If that helps you get on board, all the better!!)
Here is where I am going to ask you to take a leap of faith.
Ask yourself if you, or someone you know, would benefit from eight hours of guided reflection on how to work with yourself, the people in your life, and the various elements of your personal environment, to envision and materialize the goals and dreams that are important to you.
Register NOW to attend a workshop this summer. I will be conducting it in small groups, so there will be several dates to choose from, ensuring your ability to attend (And if, for any reason, you are unable to, your money will be refunded in full).
Here is the offer. (This workshop has a value of, and will be offered in the future at a cost of, at least $200.00)
For only $75 - REGISTERyourself now.
For only $60 - GIFTa registration to someone of your choice.
For only $45 - SPONSORa deserving attendee (I will work with local service organizations to identify appropriate candidates). This generous support of my endeavour, and your "random act of anonymous kindness" for a stranger, will be greatly appreciated!
Whatever you decide, THANK YOU very much for reading this far!
If you are declining this invitation, I will know that you are still sending me best wishes and I am grateful for that good energy ... :)
If you do wish to participate in this adventure with me, I want to, first and foremost offer you my most heartfelt appreciation. Whether your motivation is to help me or to participate in a powerful and positive workshop with me, I am both thrilled and humbled. Here is how you can do so ...
Send me the appropriate amount ($75, $60, $45) by one of the following methods
PayPal or Interac Email Transfer, to johndavidwaite@gmail.com
or personal cheque to 115 Coldwater Rd W #6, Orillia, Ontario, L3V 3L5 (please email me to let me know you have sent this)
Identify, with your payment, who will be attending, along with a contact phone number and email address.
I will be in touch by June 12th with available dates for July and August!
P.S. If you have any doubt that Mike's thinking is in line with mine, here is the theme of the trainers' conference ...
Tonight I made dinner for four of the most important people in the world. My Mom, my Dad, my daughter and my son. (Ok, "I made dinner" may be a bit generous a statement - I heated a pre-made frozen lasagne, with my Mom bringing and making a fresh Caesar as well providing the leftover cake.)
We had a great time, as we always do, with lots of laughs and wide-ranging conversations. After I cleared the dishes, we stayed around my dining room table and (somehow, without arguing, even while not always agreeing) three generations discussed politics, racism, religion, legalization of marijuana,sex change operations, extreme sports and many other topics.
Eventually the subject of my movie series came up, with my parents asking what was screening next. This coming Tuesday evening, we will be showing Tom Shadyac's inspiring documentary "I AM".
Then I decided to show my folks the trailer for next month's feature "FINDING JOE"
With YouTube open, we somehow continued on a stream-of-consciousness procession of videos, with each of us recommending "just one more" - one after another after another.
So, here is what we watched.
Together.
Which I think speaks volumes about why I am so grateful for my awesome life :)
... and a BONUS! Click >>HERE<< for "The Making of WTF? Video"
