A Midnight Rainbow That Fell From The Sky

In the summer of 2009 I was living in my truck.

A year earlier I had been a successful businessman with a big estate home and a picture-perfect family. Then it all unraveled.

As I was losing everything, I took what little was salvageable, selling off everything that I could, and set up my soon-to-be-separated-wife and our two young children with a furnished country home and a reliable Volvo station wagon. Then, I gave away everything but the absolute essentials and blew up a mattress for the covered back of my rusty old Ford Ranger (that was replacing my recently repossessed, leather-seated, German sedan).

With my business shuttered (ironic, perhaps, having only months before received my second consecutive nomination as business leader of the year), I found a job bartending and dropped off my tips every few days in Karen's mailbox. I was doing what I could, but felt terrible as she deserved so much more.

One evening, I finished my shift just before midnight and walked out of the air conditioned pub into a sweltering heatwave. I was grimy and sweaty and wanted a shower so badly. The YMCA was long closed and it was too late to drop in on anyone. Feeling a bit sorry for myself, I decided to drive to the lake and have a cooling dip before finding a backroad on which to park and sleep.

All alone, I waded into the shallow water, stopping a few hundred feet out from the sandy beach to lay back with only my eyes and nose above the surface. Unable to hear anything but my heartbeat, I gazed up at the shimmering stars and let my thoughts wander.

At first, I found myself focusing on all that I was missing. A soft bed. The incredible amounts of "stuff" I had worked so hard to accumulate over the years. The prestige and respect that came with being a community leader.

This list of woes continued to grow, but, before my mood could go into complete freefall, I caught myself and very consciously decided that I needed to take inventory of what I still had in the "plus" column.

Well, I was healthy. I still possessed every talent and skill with which I had earned my way to "the top" in the first place. I had magnificent children, and a loving, respectful friendship with their mother. I had a handful of close friends and family. In short, I realized that I had everything that mattered.

At that very instant, there was a colourful explosion directly above me. It was so spectacular that I recognized it right away as fireworks. But fireworks as seen from the inside of a 360 degree mirrored bubble, as my eyes were perfectly positioned to take in the reflection simultaneously.

I would later discover that a family had brought their leftover Canada Day pyrotechnics to the beach for a midsummer treat, but for now I didn't worry about where this show came from. Instead, I remained acutely aware of what a unique and magical opportunity I was experiencing, as burst after cascading burst enveloped me in a kaleidoscope of colour.

By being absolutely present, the few minutes felt like a lifetime - a lifetime during which I renewed my gratitude for everything I'd ever had and would ever have again. And for this miraculous moment that could never have happened had my life not unfolded exactly as it did.

Once the last rocket had burst in the midnight sky, I stood up in the waist deep water and walked in to shore. The family, gathering their blankets to head home, was startled to see me, as they had no idea I had been directly beneath the falling embers. As they started to apologize, I cut them off with a heartfelt "thank you" and explained how it had been an incomparably beautiful show, the likes of which would almost certainly never be repeated.

Today, four years later, my life is completely different again, filled with opportunity and travel and adventure and love. I am closer than ever with my children, and still best of friends with my erst-while wife (who has built a magnificent world of her own with a beautiful log home, a dream job, a small business, and a fantastic boyfriend).

With a blossoming (and perfectly portable) new career, I have replaced very little of my material possessions, choosing instead to travel light and remain ever available for whatever serendipitous satisfactions life brings my way. 

Because there is always a miracle hovering, whatever the circumstances. Sometimes you just have to get out of your own way to see it.

How do I want to spend my last 45 seconds?

I received a Facebook message a few minutes ago, thanking me for some advice I had shared a couple of months back. It closed with the question...

• By the way, I remember you once posted that you never have a bad day. You might have a bad moment but you never let it ruin your day or even your hour. What is your secret?!

My reply was simply,

• 

  6:41pm
  

  Johnny Waite
  

  
  

  You are most welcome brother.
  My "secret" is pretty simple. I try to take nothing for granted. If I can be grateful for every little thing, then when the occasional "bad" thing happens I am well aware that it is the exception. And when I have a bad minute, it is a bad minute and I let it go. Not very many actual events last all day, so THEY are not what makes our day bad - WE do, by rehashing them again and again. Car accident - split second. If you are alive, then you can start being grateful. Bad news in the mail - momentary. Etc. Even if something does actually ruin a day or a week or a month, it is still entirely our choice as to when we are going to shift our focus to all of the things we can still choose to be happy about. Even "the big stuff" is not exempt. Cancer - 90% of your time is NOT consumed by chemo and radiation, etc. So enjoy it. And it is likely even more valuable as you suddenly do not have "infinite" time left (you never did, but fooled yourself). I have said to my kids that if I am ever going down during one of my many flights they should know that I had a huge smile on my face because "why the fuck would I choose to spend my last 45 seconds sad and scared when I know full well they are probably my last 45 seconds??!!"
  Hmmm, that may just be a cut and paste blog post 

I do realize that I am fortunate to operate this way, and I have come to see where this sort of advice can actually come off as very glib. But all I can do is share my experience and what works for me. If you are not in a place where you feel it is applicable, then I still send you love and good energy in dealing with whatever is on your plate. And if someday it resonates better, then I hope it is still wedged in the back of your mind somewhere.

a small silver circle

So, I got my nose pierced on Friday.

Why? Because I have always wanted to. I really like the look of a small silver hoop, and decided to get one.

I had always resisted this impulse before, because I saw where it could be an impediment for me - as a Realtor, during my brief foray into politics, etc. But now my life is set up in a way that I can't imagine it really mattering at all - coaching (I don't see any of my current clients caring, and actually view it as a good filter to make sure I am working with people with more to worry about than that), race management (non-issue), speaking (the audiences I am addressing would not mind, and I can always take it out for events where it could have a negative impact). Even officiating weddings - most of the couples who use me do so because I am different. And, again, it can always come out.

Back to Friday - I was driving home to Orillia from watching Katy's soccer tournament in Alliston, and I just decided to head right past town and continue up to Gravenhurst. There, a small piercing shop called Triple Sick Skin advertises "any piercing $20". I had been there with Katy and her cousins when they got their noses and belly-buttons pierced. I walked in, was taken straight to the back, pierced, paid and was back on the road in 10 minutes.

And I loved it. It looked exactly as I expected.

My next stop was meeting in person with a coaching client. We had a great conversation and the nose ring never came up. After that, it was to Kahuna Surf Shop to watch a skateboard movie with Jack. As soon as Jack arrived he said, "Did you get your nose pierced?" When I answered, "Yep", he added "Seriously??!". And then he shrugged.

Much to my surprise, my daughter was a different story altogether. She joined us after her dinner with a friend at Brewery Bay. Noticing right away, she immediately expressed her displeasure. Quickly, she worked herself into a bit of a fit, finally asking me for the car keys so she could wait for us there (taking her tattoo and multiple piercings with her). This caught me rather off guard. I expected my parents to be marginally upset, but I have lots of practice in dealing with that over the years. Katy's reaction, though, left me unsure of what to do next. When I dropped her at her Mum's we agreed to discuss it later and I promised to remove the nose ring if it still bothered her.

Saturday was a busy day - I was in Toronto for a morning funeral. I sat beside a prominent city lawyer and we had a great conversation about the deceased, about the church, and about my godfather who, it turned out, had been recruited many years ago by this very lawyer to work in his firm. Nose ring = non-issue. Then went for a trail run with my friend Paul. Nose ring not even mentioned. Then two Hot Docs screenings, where I fit right in, and a dinner conversation with the publicist for the films. Again, it never came up.

Jump forward to Sunday. I picked up Katy and Jack to take them to Canada's Wonderland for the day. Katy was over the initial meltdown, but immediately commented, "I see you still have the nose ring." I replied that we hadn't had our discussion about it yet, and reiterated that I would remove it if she still wanted me to. We had a fun day, and I dropped the kids back to their Mum's for dinner. I then went to a friend's to lead a guided visualization. She asked "Have you always had a nose ring?" I answered that it was new, and she commented that it looked good.

Monday, I picked Katy up from school and took her to Mariposa Market for a conversation. We talked about the trials and tribulations of being a teenage girl. I noticed how very much she was no longer a kid. She is almost 5'8" tall, very poised, and speaks very well. We talked about existential things - "what IT all means". We talked about her goals for university after next year (despite my urging her to drop out and be a surf bum, her 90+ average will likely lead to scholarships and a bright future in higher education). I was reminded, yet again, why Karen and I are both so proud of our kids.

I asked what it was that upset her so much about my nose ring. She said that it was ridiculous. That it is not something that a 45 year old man should do. That she will be embarrassed in front of her friends.

I was about to launch into my justification that we should not let other people's prejudices and "hang-ups" impact what we do. That you should do what makes you happy as long as it does not hurt anyone else. That this is just a small silver circle that doesn't mean anything. That this is a great opportunity to demonstrate to her what it means to really just be yourself.

Then, in a blink, I realized that there was a far bigger opportunity for me here. The opportunity to demonstrate to my daughter that her opinion does matter to me. That if this small silver circle really doesn't mean anything, honouring her feelings and concerns does.

So, as soon as I got home, it came out. And, when I woke up this morning, the hole had already healed over.

I am very glad that I got my nose pierced on Friday. Just not for the reasons I had expected to be.

Why not just forget that you can't?

(This is a note to myself that I just found. I wrote it on a plane from Denver to Durango last October, en route to run across the Grand Canyon and back - an incredible experience about which I still have not really written. Anyway, here is what I had jotted down to share - better late than never...)


I was reflecting today on some of the things that I "knew" a few years ago that I wasn't "good at".

I knew I was not a runner.
I knew I was not a photographer.
I knew I was not a blogger.

I guess that how I "knew" these things is that I didn't do them, and that was proof enough for me that I "couldn't".

Fortunately, somewhere along the way I forgot that, and started to run anyway, and post pictures to Instagram anyway and write a blog anyway.

And it turns out I CAN run, not particularly fast but really, really far.

And I love so many of the pictures I snap. Not with any fancy equipment, but often I see something that grabs my eye and pull out my phone to capture it.

And my blog posts have been read 42,000 times and counting (and I really enjoy writing them).

So, apparently, the only thing stopping me from doing all of these things was my belief that I could not do them, which came solely from my not having done them.

Do you see that same insane loop anywhere in your life?

Is there something you wish you could do but "know" you can't?

Maybe you even tried ONCE and weren't "good" at it. Surprise, surprise!

Maybe (actually, definitely!) the secret is to do it anyway.

Don't take it all so seriously.

Have fun being "bad" at it and keep on keepin' on.

Do it for the sheer love of doing it, and you will find that, inevitably, you will start getting better at it too.

Hopefully, you STILL won't take it all too seriously, because I believe THAT is where the real magic lies - in becoming good at something that you would do even if you were bad at it :)

What are the things I still "know" I am bad at?
Playing musical instruments.
Maintaining a website.
Managing my money wisely.

Maybe it is time I give up those "beliefs", and simply start doing them as well.

This is just me rambling as I fly from Dallas to Durango (well, the pilot is flying - I am just passenging).

Hopefully, if you've bothered to read this far (and I forgive you if you haven't, though, of course, you won't know that - haha), you will have looked at places in your life where you can let go of some "can'ts" and get doing it anyway.

<3


*** Just for fun, here is a great 4 minute video that a friend put together for me, without even being asked, from pics and clips I had posted on Facebook.



Thanks again Mark Beers! (His email is included at the end of the video, if you'd like him to create something for you.)

Thank You, Cloud Cult

Last month, while in Australia, I received a message from my great friend Kevin Lowe.

It simply said...

Johnny, I think you will love Cloud Cult. I've been listening for only 24 hours and I'm hooked. I think you will agree with this view. He has his own take on the first law of thermodynamics.
"Basically, what it says is that energy cannot be destroyed; it can only be transformed....So any kind of energy that you put out there never goes away."

Then he tagged me in a post that included a link to this astonishing NPR interview with Cloud Cult's frontman, Craig Minowa. Please take the 4 minutes to listen to the interview, but here is something that took my breath away...

The songs Minowa writes for his band can have the feel and hushed tones of a lullaby, and the emotion comes from a tragedy that's all too real. One night back in 2002, Minowa and his wife put their 2-year-old son, Kaidin, to bed. Their beloved boy did not wake up. Doctors could not explain why Kaidin died in his sleep, leaving Minowa to channel all that sadness and uncertainty into his work.

Gulp. Trust me, click >here<, listen to the interview and read the article. You will be moved and inspired.

Further down there was a link to preview the new album, LOVE, in its entirety, along with this description...

"This album really looks at all the different aspects of the self that need to be healed up in order to facilitate the process of stepping aside and allowing love to speak for our life rather than our wounds," lead singer Craig Minowa says.

Well, I downloaded LOVE. And I, too, am completely hooked. I listen to a TON of music, across all genres, and never before has a band "spoken to me" like Cloud Cult. Song after song after song REALLY MATTERS. LOVE is full of powerful lyrics, challenging you the listener, very personally to step up and truly live. Titles like "You're The Only Thing In Your Way' and "The Show Starts Now" are undisguised calls to action, but "It's Your Decision", "1x1x1" and "The Calling" pack just as powerful a motivational punch. And there are still reminders of Minowa's own challenges, like "Catharsis".

After listening to LOVE, all the way through, every day for a few weeks, I decided I had better download the rest of their catalog. It is less consistent, but there are myriad gems and I am still discovering ones I had missed earlier. On my 15 hr drive this week from Orillia, Ontario to Avon, NC, I just hit "Shuffle All" and was treated to a marathon of simultaneous entertainment and enlightenment, including; "You'll Be Bright", "Blessings" and "A Good God". But, truthfully, I could pretty much just list every single song on every album.

So, instead, after a HUGE THANK YOU TO KEVIN LOWE (I really love you, brother. You are an awesome force for good in this world and make a difference in lives a'plenty!), I am going to include a handful of YouTube videos for the rest of you to enjoy (with a link for lyrics beside each title).

ENJOY!

And LOVE :)

And, click HERE to buy their music <3

(and if you really want to geek out like me, here is a link to the trailer for the upcoming Cloud Cult documentary, "No One Said It Would Be Easy"! Soooo great!!)



You're The Only Thing In Your Way (LYRICS)


Good Friend (LYRICS)


My Little Sunshine - Warning: Major Tearjerker!!


The Show Starts Now (LYRICS)


It's Your Decision (LYRICS)


There's So Much Energy In Us - Live (LYRICS)


When Water Comes To Life (LYRICS) - Keep the Kleenex out for this one!


1x1x1 (LYRICS)


It Takes A Lot (LYRICS)


You'll Be Bright (LYRICS)


The Calling (LYRICS)



And, if you are still here, I am sure you will be surfing your way to all the rest :)

The Usual Measurements

“If we are going to do anything significant with life, we sometimes have to move away from it - beyond the usual measurements. We must occasionally follow visions and dreams.”

     ~Bede Jarrett (1881-1937)

This morning, I posted that quotation to my Facebook page. I had received it in an email from Foundation For A Better Life, one of several sources I have set up to automatically "fill my bucket" every day. (You can subscribe >here< for their "Today's Quote" email - some will resonate more than others but I find they are usually spot on for me)

When sharing ideas like that, I always enjoy seeing the "likes" from people, letting me know that they appreciate, and will perhaps apply, the energy for which I have been a conduit.

About an hour after I posted the quotation, I received this message from a friend...

"Hey johnny..just read your second latest quotes on" usual measurements".. what exactly defines usual measurements? Is that the conformity of what society expects you do? The reason why I ask is cuz through my 20s, and into my early 30s I tried to what the quote is suggested by following a vision and dream. But know I find myself losing that vision for sense of following the idea of usual measurements. So is the quote suggesting not to follow some type of social conformity or is a sense of usual measurements whatever you want it to be? Or can "usual measurements" overlap with dreams and vision? Sorry I know I'm looking to deep into it, it is only cuz I'm trying to relate it to myself..."

And I know that he is actually voicing the challenge faced by many people ... "I tried to follow my dreams, but that didn't work out! Now what??"

I replied...

"You are understanding it exactly. Sometimes you have to step out of the usual societal norms and listen to your intuition. The trick is that you will still get whatever you get. I feel that you are always comparing how things are to how you wish they were. That is a trap. Find the best in how things are. Always. Then strive for whatever you want, but don't attach your happiness to a specific outcome. Be happy anyways. Always."

People often argue with that last part - Be happy anyways. Always. - saying, "Sounds great, but that is so hard to do!" And they are 100% correct, as long as they choose to continue believing that. Or, they could just "dive in" and honestly try being happy. Anyways. Always.

When I was living in my pickup truck through much of 2009 and bits of 2010, a friend said...

"Johnny, you cannot honestly tell me you are happy right now. You lost all of your money, your house, your marriage. You are living in your truck, bartending for a tiny fraction of the income you are used to. I appreciate the brave face, but you must be terribly unhappy about everything!" 

Without thinking, I answered... 

"See, that is just it! I am already broke, homeless and alone. Why the fuck would I want to add "unhappy" to that list???"

And I meant it! I WAS happy. I had a roof over my head - albeit a fiberglass one covering an air mattress in the bed of my truck. I had a job - working with good, fun, kind people who were also getting by just fine on a fraction of what I was used to making. And I still had a great relationship with my erstwhile-wife, Karen, thanks to extraordinary efforts by both of us, and a refusal to buy into the societally-prescribed marital-combatants role.

I often reflected (and still do) on this wonderful thought, from Anthony De Mello, that I read many years ago, and have always kept top of mind...

"There's only one reason why you're not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it's because you're thinking or focusing on what you don't have. Otherwise you would be experiencing bliss. You're focusing on what you don't have. But, right now you have everything you need to be in bliss."

Every single day you wake up with much more right with you than wrong. You can breathe. You can probably see, and even if you can't that is only one thing you have lost, not everything. Any time I forget this, I read the spectacular essay "Glory In The Highest" by Rob Brezsny (in fact, I read it regularly anyway, so I tend to not forget!). I highly recommend you click >Glory In The Highest< and read the whole thing, but here is his conclusion ...

Let’s say it’s 9:30 a.m. You’ve been awake for two hours, and a hundred things have already gone right for you. If three of those hundred things had not gone right—your toaster was broken, the hot water wasn’t hot enough, there was a stain on the pants you wanted to wear—you might feel that today the universe is against you, that your luck is bad, that nothing’s going right. And yet the fact is that the vast majority of everything is working with breathtaking efficiency and consistency. You would clearly be deluded to imagine that life is primarily an ordeal. 

The funny thing is that, as straightforward an idea as that is, so many people have trouble accepting and embracing it. We are taught from birth to focus on what we don't have. To make our happiness conditional on having or doing something. To constantly pine and strive and wish. As poisonous as anything are our lottery ads. Canada' national 6-49 lottery tells us to "imagine the freedom".

If only I won the lottery, then I could be that happy and experience freedom. Bullshit! Your happiness and freedom would last for about a day, until a whole new set of problems set in. 

Do you want freedom? Then take responsibility for your life. Literally, practice your ABILITY to choose your RESPONSE. In Victor Frankl's incredible book "Man's Search For Meaning" (read this book!!), he explains where true freedom lies. And  he wasn't dealing with burnt toast or lottery jackpots missed by a few numbers. He was a holocaust survivor. An accomplished psychiatrist who went from a comfortable life to a concentration camp where he witnessed death and horrors every day. While in Auschwitz, his wife, mother and brother were all murdered. Still, he concluded...

"Between the stimulus and response, there is a space, and in that space is your power and your freedom."

You can choose your response to absolutely anything that happens in your life. And here is the crucial bit - once it has happened, it has happened. Period. You cannot change it. So, why CHOOSE to be miserable? Why choose to waste your energy wishing it were different? All of your power and all of your freedom comes from choosing to respond powerfully and positively to every thing that happens.

Why does this seem impossible to most people? Because we have been taught to believe wholeheartedly in things that simply are not true.

Literally while typing this post, I received and read an email from the beautiful blog "Mark and Angel Hack Life". In today's offering they described "Ten Lies You Were Tricked into Believing". These include; Happiness comes when you have everything you want. Life is supposed to be a certain way. You are supposed to be a certain way. Dreaming is a waste of time. I could chalk it up as a coincidence that this was what they had for me today, but it fits way to perfectly with my message. Thank you Marc and Angel and THANK YOU UNIVERSE.

So, back to the top ... 

“If we are going to do anything significant with life, we sometimes have to move away from it- beyond the usual measurements. We must occasionally follow visions and dreams.”

What is significant? WHAT YOU DECIDE IS SIGNIFICANT!! And, if it falls within the "usual measurements", well, then carry on. And if it does not (and I am guessing that, if you've read this far, this means you), or the path to get there is not obvious in the traditional channels, grab on to those dreams and visions, YOUR dreams and visions, stop believing the lies you've been told and START LIVING on YOUR terms. 

Which is easy to do, once you embrace that you already have everything that you need. Soak in that realization. Be blissful. Then, and only then, anything becomes possible.

SEVEN THINGS GUARANTEED TO RUIN YOUR DAY

What is wrong with you?

Why would you click on that?

And yet we do. We constantly get sucked into voluntarily consuming bad news, horrible images.

I told you it was GUARANTEED to RUIN YOUR DAY and you CLICKED on it!!!

Stop doing that. Seriously.

As long as you are here, though, here is the exact opposite of what you were looking for...




You are welcome.

And I love you :)