Tonight I made dinner for four of the most important people in the world. My Mom, my Dad, my daughter and my son. (Ok, "I made dinner" may be a bit generous a statement - I heated a pre-made frozen lasagne, with my Mom bringing and making a fresh Caesar as well providing the leftover cake.)
We had a great time, as we always do, with lots of laughs and wide-ranging conversations. After I cleared the dishes, we stayed around my dining room table and (somehow, without arguing, even while not always agreeing) three generations discussed politics, racism, religion, legalization of marijuana,sex change operations, extreme sports and many other topics.
Eventually the subject of my movie series came up, with my parents asking what was screening next. This coming Tuesday evening, we will be showing Tom Shadyac's inspiring documentary "I AM".
Then I decided to show my folks the trailer for next month's feature "FINDING JOE"
With YouTube open, we somehow continued on a stream-of-consciousness procession of videos, with each of us recommending "just one more" - one after another after another.
So, here is what we watched.
Together.
Which I think speaks volumes about why I am so grateful for my awesome life :)
... and a BONUS! Click >>HERE<< for "The Making of WTF? Video"
I think that, at some level, we all want to make a difference for others. I certainly know that this is something important to me. And every now and then I get a beautiful reminder that I am, in fact, doing so - in my own weird ways.
Over the years I have been hired to speak to many diverse groups. As just a few examples; I have spoken to financial planners about ensuring customer service excellence. I have been in front of entire high schools, delivering a message about the value of designing a positive, intentional life. I have been keynote speaker at the annual general meeting of a provincial political party, with the topic being "how to fully engage people with a positive message and good energy". A major police force brought me in to reinforce, to their members, the importance of maintaining your own positive mindset in stressful situations. I have even led workshops for experienced baseball umpires making the jump to a bigger stage - helping them learn to stay calm and focused under all of the new-found pressure. In each case, the presentations seemed to go fairly well, but I have never really known for sure if they made a lasting difference for my audience.
Recently, I was brought in to address the students in Georgian College's Recreation Leadership program. I had just returned from the Winter Death Race, and had been asked to deliver a motivating 90 minute speech, recounting my experiences in a way that was both relevant and inspiring to the students.
I arrived with only one real sleep under my belt since the weekend of non-stop racing and the long drive back. My only props were my axe and my Death Race skulls (aka "trophies"), and I went in with no notes. Other teachers had heard about my upcoming presentation and had asked to include their classes as well, so we ended up in the big lecture hall, with the stadium seating filled to near capacity. Looking up at the young faces, some eager but more bored and wary, I took a deep breath and then launched in, opening up my heart and sharing openly and honestly.
What began as a recounting of my Death Race experiences quickly evolved into a discussion of my take on the psychology of ultra-endurance athletic events. I found myself genuinely choked up when describing some of the more personal catharses I went through along the way, and very animated and enthused when sharing my successes and breakthroughs. The time flew by, and many students stayed after to ask questions one-on-one. So, again, it felt like a success and I hoped that it would have a positive impact.
What I did not know was that, after I left, the instructor, Kimberly, assigned them each the task of composing an essay offering an honest assessment of my presentation and what, if anything, they took away from it that was valuable to apply to their own lives. Well, today my Mom took me out to lunch and handed me a folder full of the students' submissions. Kimberly had forwarded them to my brother, who passed them on through the family tree. Mom had, as any good mother would, read them all, and said "Oh, John. These are really wonderful. I think you are going to be so pleased to hear what the students have to say!"
After lunch my day stayed marvelously busy - going from appointment to appointment to coaching at an elementary school wrestling tournament to coaching my club team wrestling practice. So, it was just now, when I came home for the evening, and sat down for the first time in several hours, that I picked up the stack and started to peruse the essays.
Well, Mom was right. It was truly gratifying to read the unanimously positive feedback. Some of the students even admitted that they had not been looking forward to the presentation, before going on to say that it turned out to be an enjoyable, meaningful event for them. While it was interesting to hear where different aspects of the presentation had resonated more powerfully with individual listeners, it was even more amazing to see the consistency with which they identified the same key "take-away" messages.
Here are some of my favourite excerpts...
"Thank you very much for bringing John in to speak to our class. He is very motivational and passionate. He explained how important it is to live life to the fullest, with goals and objectives. Also being grateful for what we have in every moment. I learned to take every experience, learn from it, build on it and move forward."
"I learned from John that, even when the cards are stacked against you and you feel like you are going to pass out or give up, you need to keep a positive image in your mind and focus on something to push you forward during these hard times."
"The other thing that I took from John's presentation was to realize how incredibly lucky and fortunate I am. John talked about being at the top of the mountain (at the end of the second straight night of racing), and stopping to look at the moon and enjoy the scenery. Through all of the exhaustion he still realized how grateful he was to be alive right there and then."
"I learned that by taking on new challenges you can learn more things about yourself, faster, than if you only stick to what you already know you can do."
"John said many valuable things throughout his presentation, but the one that stood out the most for me was, "You can do so much more than you think you can!""
"Along with inspiration I was able to learn a few important things about life from John speaking with us. I learned the importance of being honest to yourself, and to appreciate how incredibly fortunate I am."
"John shared his stories on life, competition and philosophy. As future recreational leaders we were given an in-depth look into a world of commitment, dedication, passion and perseverance; all important components in leadership."
"Two things John said that really stuck with me are, "You can do so much more than you think you can" and "the things we think we can do and the things we CAN do are totally different". Hearing these words made me realize just how many things I don't do, simply because I think that I can't."
"The main thing I have taken away from this is that if you have a drive and belief, you are capable of far more than you ever thought your body could do."
"Something I learned from John is that you can literally do anything if you truly put your mind to it. I know people tell you this all the time, but for once I actually felt that it meant something."
"I learned that I shouldn't close any doors just because I think I can't do something, or that my body can't physically do it. Because my mind is what is stopping me, not my body, and my body can do so much more than I think it is capable of. I thought the guest speaker was great and he has motivated me to get out and try new things I would never usually do."
(This one from a foreign student) "I learned that high rewarding comes from putting yourself out there in uncomfortable situations that require high intensity effort, struggle and pain. In life people seek these types of competition to test themselves to its limit and still find it rewarding and feel thankful is just humbling and eye opening."
"I did not understand the mental factor and what it takes to to have the ability to keep pushing forward. Then John said it - "what you think you can do and what you can do are totally different" - this was SO inspiring! I love the idea that you can do one burpee and then the next one, one step at a time without thinking of all 3,000 burpies at once. This is definitely something I am going to take with me the rest of my life. I just need to look at one step at a time, not always focusing on the outcome first. Using this technique I feel I can do more. I feel I can do anything."
"I learned that, although something may look extremely difficult and even impossible, it is possible to fight through hardship, danger and threatening situations to complete a seemingly unreachable goal. You have to constantly keep your ego in check to stay focused on the task at hand. "Do not think about the future or the past, focus on what is in the present" was something John strongly stated. This proves there is a difference between thinking you can't do something and finding out what you can actually do."
I am so very grateful to Kimberly for sharing these comments with me. It is enormously rewarding to hear, first hand, the impact my presentation had on these future leaders, and this makes me all the more excited to keep generating amazing experiences and to share them in meaningful ways with others.
Hey y'all! So, I finally sat down tonight to "knock out" a "quick" Winter Death Race recap-report-update-essay ... and it has turned into an epic odyssey in its own right ... almost as hard as finishing the race itself ;)
It is halfway written, with the rest blocked out in bullet points. I am blown away all over again by what we had to do over the 34 hour race. I promise the tale will be worth the wait!
But, I am now falling asleep at the keyboard so am headed to bed at 3:52 am. I will wrap it up over the weekend and have it published very soon after you've all found your eggs and chocolates :)
This is a repost of my Facebook status from yesterday ...
Interesting opportunity for reflection this afternoon. While my car was in for maintenance earlier today, my son and I were doing errands downtown on foot during this gorgeous weather. One of those errands was to deposit some money at a bank ATM. As often happens, I was having a conversation with someone while using the machine, and then Jack and I carried on up the street. About an hour ago I was looking for my card and realized I must have left it in the ATM. As my branch is closed for the night, I could not go retrieve it, so went online to get the phone number to report the card lost. While logged in I looked at the account balance and saw that immediately after my deposit there were two ATM withdrawals, for $100 and $300 respectively. So, obviously whoever was behind me in line was able to access my accounts (peeked pin? maybe the card hadn't been returned yet?).
I have reported all of that and cancelled the card. Don't have any idea if I will be covered by the bank for the $ (doubt it). My son even remembers seeing the lady who came to the machine after us - 40 to 50 years old, short, stocky - and I have passed her description along.
The part that I find interesting is that I am not particularly upset. Don't get me wrong - I will very much miss that $400 and wish it had not been stolen. But, I am fully aware that the money is gone whether I am angry or not. So rather than surrendering my good mood as well as the money, I am choosing to keep the part that I can. I also don't wish ill on the thief. I will tell myself that it was a difficult decision for her to make, and one that goes against her normal nature. Perhaps she was in desperate straits, unable to feed her kids or about to lose her apartment and felt this was her only hope. Or she is blowing it all on drugs and booze and laughing at me - but I have no way of knowing so choose to believe the story that makes me feel best. All I know for sure is that I have undoubtedly had a better day than she will (perhaps better than she ever will), hanging out with my awesome kids. Picking up my reliable car. Helping people every chance I get. Being honest and feeling happy with myself.
LIFE IS GOOD :)
BONUS STORY!!! (from same day)
BEST MOMENT OF MY DAY: As we paid for our purchases at a store today, and were headed out the door, my son Jack said to me, "Dad. That lady behind us bought a CD rack that looks pretty heavy for her to carry. Should I go back and help her?" Of course I said "Yes" and he did. When we go to the car she wanted to give him some money and Jack politely declined. Then she said "Dad, you are doing a great job raising that boy." To be honest, he makes me look good! :)
"Memento mori" is a latin phrase meaning "remember your mortality". It expresses the idea that only when we accept and embrace the inevitability of our death can we truly appreciate and value our life.
I was first introduced to this idea by Nate Green, when reading his "Hero Handbook". In this amazing guide to living life as your own hero, he recommends creating a simple spreadsheet, 52 columns wide and 80 columns high. This generously allots us each 10 more years than Abraham Lincoln prescribed, and two more than the current life expectancy of the average North American. Next, take a black marker and fill in a square for each week that you have lived so far. Mine looks like this ...
My current memento mori - over halfway dead!
Then, each week you fill in one more square. It quickly becomes like the sands of an hourglass, letting you tangibly see your lifetime pass. I found it to be a fascinating experience, reminiscing as I filled in squares... Kindergarten, picturing the classroom, who my friends were, my teacher's face. First puppy love. When I got my driver's license, and only a few squares later when I was in the hospital with a skull fracture after a rollover crash. The summer I got married. When my kids were born. What house I lived in when. Successes. Failures. A friend committing suicide, wiping out the rest of his spreadsheet with one bullet. Each square represents 168 hours and, when grouped together make up all of our significant events and eras.
I was describing this chart to a friend today. Earlier in our conversation I had asked her "What are you excited about this coming week?". She replied, "Nothing. I am just working". Later, when I brought up the idea of keeping a memento mori chart, she told me that seemed morbid and depressing, "Watching your life just slipping away like like that." I explained to her that I am NOT letting my life slip away, precisely because I see how much time has passed and how much I likely have left. I truly value every one of those squares, and refuse to let them go to waste. I suggested that she may feel differently about next week if she kept one of her own. (She messaged me an hour after we met, asking me to send her the .pdf template so she can start her own - kudos to her!)
What inspired me to write about memento mori was the realization that I had not posted my "Thank Google It's Friday" collection of inspiring and entertaining videos, pictures and stories that people have sent me in the last week. It truly felt like I had posted my last one just a day or two ago, but another 168+ hours HAD gone by, yet again, and I began reflecting on how quickly the calendar flips.
Much has been written on the meaning of life and death. Perhaps more than on any other subject (with "love" probably in that mix). A relatively recent expression of the very spirit of momento mori comes from the visionary/powerful/wealthy/brilliant/influential, but dead anyway, founder of Apple Computers, Steve Jobs.
“Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
"The trap of thinking you have something to lose" ... exactly. None of us are getting out of here alive. Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, George Washington. All dead. In fact, everyone who was ever born is either dead or very soon will be. So, please, stop taking it all so seriously!
"People tend the take everything too seriously. Especially themselves. Yep. And that's probably what makes 'em scared and hurt so much of the time. Life is too serious to take that seriously." Tom Robbins
Scared and hurt. Regretful and worried. Why would we ever squander our only lives on these ways of being. Regret is useless. If there is something you can do now to correct what you are regretting, do it. If you can't, then turn the page and get on with the business of living. Worry, too, is a nonesensical waste of energy. Whatever it is that you are worried about, ask yourself this - "Is there any action I can take to affect this outcome?" If the answer is "Yes", then do it. If the answer is "No", then don't worry and deal with it when it comes.
So, how about being joyous and kind and excited and loving? How can we shift our vibration there instead?
We can begin by realizing that there are only two kinds of squares in a memento mori - those that are black and those that are white. In other words, those that are already filled in and those that remain blank.
The black ones represent our past. There is nothing we can do about them now. The only healthy way to regard the past is with unequivocal gratitude. Be grateful for every good thing you have experienced. And be grateful for the lesson in every bad thing, as well as grateful that it has passed.
The blank squares are blank for a reason. NOTHING IN THE FUTURE HAS HAPPENED YET! So, this is something you can do everything about. The whole rest of your life starts right now, always. I am reminded of a great book I just saw, entitled "It Is NEVER Too Late, As Long As You Start RIGHT NOW!"
Really examine how much time has passed and how much is left to come.
And ask yourself these questions... How much of that rapidly shrinking white space am I going to spend watching television? How much do I want to spend feeling sorry for myself? How much am I willing to spend doing things I don't enjoy? What kind of responsibility am I going to take for my health and energy to best enjoy that time? What do I really want to be doing and how can I start doing it? With what friends do I want to share the time I have left in my life?
And then get very excited, not just about every remaining week but about every remaining day, every remaining hour, every remaining minute. Get very excited about your very next breath. AND GET LIVING!
"This is our time—the time each one of us has been given. Yet we get lost in semantics—what is good, bad, right, wrong. What do we forget? Everywhere, someone has a request, someone has a prayer. “Make this happen. Give me a better job. Give me a better life.” We forget what we have been given. Somehow, we are unable to look at what is in front of us—the most beautiful, the most magnificent. There is no greater blessing than the coming and going of this breath." Prem Rawat
Someday, no matter what, your spreadsheet will be totally black. So will mine. So will your kids' and everyone else's. So, here is one more question worth asking yourself, from the poet Mary Oliver.
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Weird stuff happens to me. Some of it I am even willing to share. This morning is a great example of this.
The Background: I had volunteered to cook pancakes for all of the staff and students at my son's school this morning as part of a fundraiser for their Grade 8 trip. We put together a terrific team of parents, I bought a cartload of batter mix, everyone brought their griddles and spatulas, and it was an awesome event! It was on my way home, after three hours of this - enjoying myself while volunteering to raise funds for children - that my story takes place. (I emphasize that to make sure that you get that I am the good guy in this story! I am intentionally painting myself in a flattering light, because the story is so much better, and makes much ore sense, when you are clear on that part.)
In fact, watch this short clip from the phenomenally funny HBO series "The Life And Time Of Tim". That is pretty much how my day started to go at about 11:30am ...
The Story: As I had borrowed my ex-wife's griddle (that I lost in our split, but I think that was in exchange the wok so I am not complaining) for the pancake making extravaganza, I was dropping it back to her at her workplace. Two of the school moms were diligently scrubbing the other griddles and I figured I could give this one a quick wipe on my own rather than adding to their workload (see the theme here - damn I was being wonderful!!). So, a mile down from the school, I turned onto a country road and pulled over to brush the pancake crumbs off before handing it over.
I had just stepped out of the car and taken the griddle from my trunk when a truck pulled up behind me. An older man (75? 80? White hair. Full beard. About 4 inches shorter than I am.) climbed down from the driver's door. I assumed he was making sure I was ok, as my 4 ways were flashing, so I smiled and wiped a napkin across the teflon surface as I said "Hello".
"What in the HELL do you think you are doing?" old, bearded, short, white-haired guy shouted as he marched right up to me.
"Pardon?" I replied.
"Do you just think you can throw your garbage on my lawn?" he added, the questions starting to build up.
"No, sir. I don't have any garbage at all. I am just wiping some pancake crumbs from this griddle before I return it to the person who lent it to me."
"Well, why don't you wipe those crumbs on your own god damned lawn?"
"Sir, she is just up the road and I was dropping it off on my way home. Please have a look at the ground. You will notice there is no garbage. There is less than a handful of crumbs and nothing else."
"Yes. On my goddamned lawn!" he was now pretty much in a full blown rage.
I decided I had better just cut my losses at this point. "Sir, I am very sorry. I sure wasn't looking for any trouble, so I will just apologize and be on my way."
"Well you certainly found some trouble, boy," he proclaimed, literally balling up his fists and taking another step towards me, "when you decided to dump your trash on my lawn!"
I found myself starting to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, but tried not to smirk and, instead, continued being respectful.
"Sir, I am not going to argue with you. I have apologized and I will apologize again. I am sorry that this has caused you so much stress. There was no harm intended. I wish you a good day and am going to go now."
"You can go after to pick up your god damned trash from my property!"
Finally, I decided that enough was enough. "Sir, this is not your property. This is the road. Your property starts at that fence, on the other side of that wide ditch. And this is not trash. This is a minuscule amount of pancake batter. I have apologized repeatedly despite having done nothing wrong, and you are entirely unwilling to accept my apology. You actually seem intent on us having a fist fight over this, and I don't really see any scenario in which that works out well for me in the big picture, so I am just going to say "You win. I lose". But I am not picking up those crumbs from the road. Some birds will have eaten them in a few minutes, brightening their day. By then I will be smiling somewhere down the road, enjoying my day too. And I sincerely hope, for your own sake, that you get some perspective and don't let this honestly ruin your day."
And I walked to my car and drove away. The story wasn't completely over yet. He then followed me to see where I dropped the griddle off - yes, seriously. I drove right past my destination, not wanting them embroiled in this ridiculous drama. Instead I turned into an adjcent subdivision and pulled into a driveway until he drove by out of sight.
And, true to my word, I carried on, smiling at now having a great story that made my awesome day just that much more interesting.
My last few "best of" posts have been way too long! This is due to my being blessed with a cornucopia of amazing friends who keep sending me links and pics and songs and other blessings. And THAT has a lot to do with why my LIFE IS GOOD!!
So, here is the last week's worth ... enjoy :)
From Margaret Schlachter ... profoundly simple (the message, not Margaret!)
An exquisite 3 minute look inside the mind of a skateboarder attempting a dangerous trick for the first time. I maintain that these guys are far more impressive than pro ballers, etc. Commitment and courage! (from www.infinitylist.com)
My great friends Reid and Adam, playing their song "It's You" in the official Tourism Vancouver ad campaign!
Great perspective from Frank Fumich ...
Whatever it is that you have to brace yourself for today, watch this 2 1/2 minute video first ... (another from Infinity List)
My lifelong friend Colin Campbell seems to think I look like Steve Jobs ... I do see it to some degree, but I look happier and I am alive (For those keeping score, that is Johnny 2, Steve Jobs 0)
Fantastic 6 minute TED Talk showing how leadership doesn't require a title or a formal role. Shared by the beautiful Brigitte Brousseau ... see what I did there? that is alliteration ;)
Why CAN'T you just be happy? This guy is, so am I, and so is the spectacular Stephanie Beaumont (check out www.seeandbescene.com) who sent me this ten minute bundle of love and good energy!
