"men's tights showing balls"

This may just be filler (as I tweak posts-in-progress of a more cerebral nature), or it may turn out to be a nascent masterpiece that needed to be expressed.

"But John", you say, "Didn't you just type "men's tights showing balls"?"

Yes. Yes, I did. And that is what this post is about. Not about men's tights showing balls. But about "men's tights showing balls".

Do you see the subtle difference? If my blog, "Living Myself to Death", were, in fact, about men's tights showing balls, I would understand why "men's tights showing balls" is one of the most common search keyword phrases that land people at my site. But it is not. So, I do not. And yet the fact remains that MULTIPLE PEOPLE have pecked "m.e.n.'.s  t.i.g.h.t.s.  s.h.o.w.i.n.g.  b.a.l.l.s" into Google and arrived at my blog.

Almost as confusing as it is awesome!!!

I first noticed this while ringing the bells for the Salvation Army Kettle just before Christmas. During a slow stretch, I was bored and playing on my Android. Exploring the stats function on Blogger, I discovered that I could see what words and phrases people were Googling to find me.

• "John Waite" (of course)
• "Johnny Waite" (my preferred name)
• "Living Myself To Death" (good, the name is getting out there) 
• "Spartan Death Race" (cool! proud to represent) 
• "men's tights showing balls" (um, WTF???) 

Once I had stopped laughing (well, to be honest, I am still laughing), I set about trying to solve this mystery. How was "men's tights showing balls" in any way connected to "Living Myself To Death"?

First, I typed "men's tights showing balls" into www.google.com. No sign of my blog. But I do, now, know where to buy dance belts.

Maybe I would have better luck at www.google.ca (what with being Canuck and all). Nope. Identical result.

So, then I tried Google Image Search. And BINGO!! PAGE TWO. This picture was there...

It is an image that I clipped from God knows where and included in my May 18, 2011 post "Down and Dirty Death Race Update". I was describing my recent training trip to Pittsfield, Vermont and making fun of myself for forgetting both my spandex underwear and my board shorts. I had a perfect plan for comfort, function and modest fashion - which went entirely awry when I realized I only had my running tights and nothing else. As I said in the blog post, "so I decided to be "THAT" guy - running in tights with no shorts and no underwear. HAHAHA!"

At least now the initial question was answered. But it really begs a number of follow up questions.

1. How did that photo become directly connected to that search phrase? 
2. Why does MY site come up in the search as opposed to whatever the source site was? 
3. And, perhaps most intriguing of all, WHO ACTUALLY SEARCHES "men's tights showing balls"??? 

I have, on occasion, checked back in to see what other bizarre search phrases I am now intimately connected to and, absolutely insanely, the only ones are variations of that same initial shocker...

• Someone from Bristol, England arrived from google.co.uk on "Living Myself To Death: Down and Dirty Death Race Update" by searching for "freeballing men tights". (THIS ONE ACTUALLY SHOWS UP ON PAGE 1 OF THE GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH - along with this retinal retcher) 
• and then there is "running without underwear" ... IN WHICH "MINE" IS THE VERY TOP SEARCH RESULT IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! (and through which I was introduced to perhaps the most ridiculous piece of clothing on the planet ... really? REALLY???) 

I'm #1!!! I'm #1!!! I made it Mom. I made it! Barefoot running is so 2011. 2012 will be all about "bareback running". And I will be the obvious messiah of this new movement. (Vanessa and Lou, we should probably cross-reference our blogs to avoid confusion. I will send barefooters to you, and please direct the freeballers my way.)

One last thought on this subject. The blog post at the center of this phenomenon is my most read page by several hundred hits. At first I had assumed this was simply due to the popularity of the Death Race, but any critical analysis of this hypothesis would quickly reveal that none of my many other posts about the same race have anywhere near the traffic. So, this means that HUNDREDS, probably even THOUSANDS of people, (MILLIONS???) are searching specifically for pictures of men running without underwear with their jiggly bits on silhouetted display. Ah, what a wonderful world!

Sing us out, Spongebob!!