Thank you Titanium :)

So, it has been MONTHS since I have really published a blog post. In the meantime I have copied some of my Facebook statuses and reposted them. I have also started a catch-all post that touches on some of the ridiculous adventures I've taken part in during this absence. I tend to hold them up as my "too busy to write excuse too.

A funny thing happens when I don't post for a while - when I lose my momentum. I start wondering why I started writing to begin with. Wondering if anyone even cares about the somewhat self-indulgent ramblings I produce. And then the inertia sets in.

Thus, I am very grateful to "Titanium", a stranger who commented, tonight, on my 6 week old post Post-Marathon Bedtime Ramblings (yes, one of those "copied Facebook statuses), saying this ...

"I love this. I've come back to it again and again over the past couple weeks, on the heels of a spectacular failure of my own. Thanks for living it, for writing it. I needed the reminder that life is Now. Not then, not later. Now."

For some reason, I was especially grateful for that feedback tonight. And I reread it a few times. And decided it was time to write something again. Which is this.

Titanium's statement that "Life is Now. Not then, not later. Now." is exactly the topic of an Eckhart Tolle lecture I was watching this morning. It is actually fairly light, and even humorous, but it IS 2 hours long, so don't click for a quick look. I DO recommend taking the time to watch it at some point. He is a brilliant thinker and, as importantly, a wonderful "explainer".

PART ONE (1hr)

PART TWO (1hr)

The other thing that Titanium's message brought to my mind is an exchange I had a few years ago with the great Canadian writer/musician, Paul Quarrington. I had met Paul in 2008, spending an eventful day with him in Midland/Penetanguishene. Two years later I knew he was dying of cancer (as he had written a brilliant 3-part essay in the National Post about how he was dealing with his diagnosis - and dismal prognosis), and I sent him an email letting him know about the profound, positive impact he'd had on me.

Within hours, Paul sent me this reply,

"John, thanks for writing that. It really makes me feel good, to note that such paltry little pissants as words have a beneficial effect on people. So, I reckon I better keep it up for the time being!"

And he did, completing a final memoir "Cigar Box Banjo", that I read and enjoyed immensely, on last summer's canoe trip.

Here is a great video synopsis of the National Post interviews. It is ten minutes and absolutely magnificent!!

I think Paul finally got what I finally get that Titanium has also realized that Eckart Tolle has been telling us...

"The thing is, if you decide that life is beautiful, then one year isn't any less beautiful than thirty years."

Paul Quarrington

The only thing you will ever have is NOW. 

Enjoy it. 

 

Thank you for being "___er" than I am :)

Something I have been thinking about all day...

I used to worry that I wasn't ____ enough.

And any time I needed to prove to myself that this was true, I just had to look at someone more ____ than myself.

And there was always someone more ____ than me, so it ended up being a bit of a trap.

And I found myself resenting people simply for being the way I wanted to be. 

Which is quite crazy really.

So, somewhere along the way, I decided to stop doing that. Instead of comparing myself with everyone else, I would just love myself as I am and love them as they are. 

And a great thing happened - suddenly I began to appreciate them for their "___ness", and the very characteristic that used to threaten me now made my world bigger and better. 

And I usually found that people (at least the ones who find themselves loved and appreciated) are quite happy to share their "___ness" and that I ended up being way more ___ too, which was the exact result I had always wanted anyway.

Now, I am crazy blessed to know many of the "___est" people in the world.

Insert whatever awesome adjective you want ... nice! funny! cool! fit! fast! strong! smart! sexy! groovy! kind! inspiring! (Hell, so far that is just Olof Dallner! Haha!) 

Some of them are my oldest friends and some are the newest. Every one of them is in some way "___er" than me, and I am so blessed by that.

So, my advice is simple: always find the best in people and celebrate the shit out of it. 

Know that the easiest way to grow, joyfully, in the direction you want your life to go, is to be around people who already embody it.

And be equally appreciative and loving towards those people who see something great in you.

That is it. Carry on. I love you   :)

P.S. If you are wondering if you are the one who is "___er" than I am, the answer is YES! Thank you for that.

P.P.S. Thanks to everyone who has been moved to share this post. It really resonated with me when I wrote it and I am glad that it resonated with you when you read it <3

When a smoothie is not just a smoothie...

Almost every morning that my daughter is with me she asks me to make her a fruit smoothie. Of course, I always do. Lately, she has often only been drinking a little bit and letting the rest go to waste. I was starting to get upset with her, and even thought of refusing to make them anymore. Then I realized this morning that my daughter does not care nearly as much about the fruit smoothies as she cares about having a loving dad who is happy make them for her. Suddenly I wasn't upset at all and was very grateful instead. Perspective is important ♥

P.S. All that said, I AM going to start making smaller ones! Haha ;)

Be Grateful for Difficulty.

Be grateful for difficulty. 
Most often, difficulty is the very thing that creates value. 

... It is whatever makes your job difficult that makes it worth someone paying you to do. 
... The wins we end up most proud of are the ones for which we had to fight the hardest. 
... It is in our toughest times that we have to find the very best in ourselves. 

What is the point of a life without difficulty? We should seek out difficulty, to stretch ourselves and grow. And when difficulty finds us, often in forms we would never choose, all we can do is embrace it, be grateful for it (however illogical as it may seem) and be made stronger by it - because it is happening anyway.

I am reminding myself of this lesson while life seems easy. So that it will be imprinted on my being for when I need it :)

Lucky Schmucky

From my Facebook status earlier this week ..
"I realized something important this morning. I am not any more blessed than anyone else. For years I have thought I had so much more to be grateful for than most people, because of the health and family and love in my life. But, even ignoring the many gifts others have that I may not (musical talent comes to mind), it has nothing to do with how many or how much. We ALL have 1,000,000+ things to be thankful for at any moment. The difference isn't whether it is 1,000,001 or 1,000,008. I am just deliciously aware of them all, and usually blissfully ignorant of where I am 'missing out'.
Two things come to mind ...
1. "There's only one reason why you're not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it's because you're thinking or focusing on what you don't have. Otherwise you would be experiencing bliss. You're focusing on what you don't have. But, right now you have everything you need to be in bliss." ~ Anthony DeMello
2. Rob Brezsny's "Glory In The Highest" ... http://www.revealingthesilence.com/lessons/glory.html
Life is Good <3"
So, on that note, enjoy this wonderful YouTube video :)
The Holstee Manifesto ... http://www.youtube.com/embed/QDmt_t6umoY

I'm fucking AWESOME, Thanks!

Wow! It has been a LONG time since I posted to this blog, and the last one was just the bizarre story of a senior citizen drugging me at a Tim Hortons (how do I keep ending up in weird situations involving my being assaulted by senior citizens?!!)

There have actually been a couple of abandoned posts recently. 

The first is about my failure to complete this year's Death Race. It had been vacillating between self-flagellation for quitting and a straightforward recap of the race. Ultimately my takeaway from this year's event is a very positive, affirming one. When I arrived in Pittsfield I was surrounded by people who liked, even loved me. I then went out and utterly shit the bed in the race (people want to remind me that there is no shame in going 34+ hours and 50+ miles on limited food and water and no sleep, but I am not holding myself to the "participant ribbon" metric - I have to compare 2012 Johnny to 2011 Johnny who was still going much longer, in much worse shape with two broken feet and open strap sores and a huge smile). But, after quitting, I was STILL surrounded by people who liked, even loved me! I realized that whether I finished or not did not mean nearly as much as who I was being while finishing or not. I had amazing conversations with other defeated racers, wonderful support crews, locals. And I got to stick around and cheer on incredible finishers like Dan Grodinsky and Morgan McKay and so many others. Plus, after two ego-swelling back-to-back finishes, a bit of humility was probably in order, and humbled I was (though the title of this blog may not suggest that - ha!).

FYI - for anyone interested in reading some fantastic race reports from DR2012, check these links out!

• 2012 Death Race Report: The Year of Betrayal, by Junyong Pak 
• DEATH RACE 2012: THE DEATH RACE DIRECTORS SPEAK, from Spartan Race 
• Race Ipsa Loquitor, by Amelia Boone ...  Stats & Thoughts (both well worth reading!) 

A second abandoned post was about my being my own worst coaching client. It was written in a tongue-in-cheek style, but still continued the theme of self-deprecation. This seems a bit confusing, as I think I have been my usual happy, optimistic self. Being completely truthful, though, I do feel that I have been coasting a little of late and that, no doubt, is effecting this perspective.

So, having acknowledged that unflattering energy, I have decided to take stock ...

What is my "complaint"?

Well, I have not grown my coaching business as quickly or as substantially as I would like to have.

Ok, is that all?

Yes, actually. That is all. Everything else is truly crazy good.

Really?

Yes, really!

Then why is that one area, the growth of your business, lagging behind?

Because I have not focused my energy on it. I have been doing so much else.

And why have you not focused your energy on it?

Well, reflecting very honestly, I still have a story in my head that coaches tend to think they have the answers for what a good life looks like and are biased towards teaching people how to "play that game". And I don't want to be like that.

Are you like that?

No.

Great. Then what are you "like"?

I am committed to helping people develop a plan that is truly, authentically their own. So they can forget about living "The Dream" and live "Their Dream". In fact, the more "out there" it is, the better! ("Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live." ~ Charles Bukowski) 

Perfect. So are you ready to give up that story and start helping people like you know you can?

Absolutely! 

Good. Then get to it. (By the way, Johnny, stop being such an asshole, assuming you know what other coaches are "like". They are as unique as you are!)

Great. That takes care of that. I guess the next thing to look at is this - "If I have not been focusing enough energy on building my coaching business, what have I been spending my time doing?"

Let's see. In the past few years I have ...

• incorporated Alter Ego Life Adventure Coaching Inc.
• become a Certified Hypnotherapist
• opened a private clinic and worked with 100+ clients
• become a certified Personal Trainer
• completed my Crossfit instructor certification and begun coaching at Crossfit Orillia
• become a Certified Life Coach
• head coached multiple Self-Expression and Leadership Programs at Landmark Education
• attended Mike Dooley's Train the Trainer Conference and become an Infinite Possibilities trainer
• written 100+ blog posts at Living Myself To Death, read over 36,000 times
• completed two Spartan Death Races (and failed to complete a third one)
• completed a Go Ruck Challenge in Indiana
• completed a Tough Mudder
• run 3 straight Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathons (4th coming up)
• run in 100 mile Haliburton Forest Ultramarathon
• initiated a Rim2Rim2Rim run at the Grand Canyon that has turned into a group event for this Fall
• spoken to over a thousand high school students about my experiences and philosophies
• skydived twice - once in tandem free-fall and once solo - as well as organized jumps for 12 others
• completed my Open Water Scuba Diving certification
• coached hundreds of youth wrestlers, many winning city, provincial and even national championships
• raised over $6,000 for Pediatric Oncology Group of Ontario
• hosted 2 seasons of a cable television program showcasing the Arts in my community
• presented my leadership and mindset management philosophies to Ontario Provincial Police headquarters - TWICE
• been a speaker/instructor for the Ontario Baseball Umpires Association : "Stepping Up To The Big Games"
• been hired to be a keynote speaker at the leadership conference of a major Canadian university this Fall
• completed a 10 week Mindfulness Meditation program and sustained ongoing practice
• registered www.lifeadventurecoaching.com and launched website
• launched successful "ELEVATE ORILLIA - Uplifting Film Series", a monthly movie night showing inspiring films with all proceeds going to The Sharing Place Food Bank
• signed on as "resident hypnotherapist" for Inochi Spa
• been a founding member of the Orillia Wellness Network - a group of Natural Health Practitioners who meet to support one another in our respective practices
• shared countless inspiring stories and links on my Facebook page, with regular feedback that it has made a positive difference in the lives of many people
• written for Spartan Race
• made hundreds of new friends in the obstacle racing, Crossfit, coaching communities
• gone on annual canoe trip with Jack and Downie & Price-Jones families
• attended almost every one of Katy and Jack's sporting events, teacher interviews, special occasions
• sent Katy to compete in Pan-American Wrestling Championships in Mexico and training in Poland and Germany
• maintained a truly extraordinary, close friendship with my ertswhile-wife, Karen, as well as being very friendly with her great boyfriend Shane
• played in annual Father And Three Sons Golf Classic with Dad and brothers
• stayed very close with all of my extended family, spending lots of quality time with my parents, siblings and their spouses, and nieces and nephews
• skied every winter, usually with Katy and Jack
• geared up and started kiteboarding
• trained my way into the best shape of my life, running regularly, lifting/Crossfitting 4 times per week
• continued selling enough real estate and Versapay services to finance my life, pay fair support to Karen, race, and build my coaching business

As you can see, I have really been sitting on my thumbs! Ok, Ok!! So I HAVE been actively coaching and building up a phenomenal life! I may not have monetized it as effectively yet as I would like, but I have certainly been living in harmony with what is important to me.

Thinking back a few years, I also did something enormous that was very scary and difficult. I chose to give up a life that was perfectly fine. I had a good career with solid income. I had a beautiful wife whom I loved. I had a nice house and nice cars. I received tons of awards and recognition for my professional and civic work. I was a great Dad (still am, despite not living together full-time). And, yet, it did not feel like the life I was meant to live. I was successful by every definition of the word, but I did not feel authentic. Just this week I received my copy of a documentary I helped fund through Kickstarter, called "I'm Fine Thanks". It describes, almost to a tee, where I was at. It will not resonate with everyone, but some of you will see yourselves in this trailer.

People often tell me that it was a classic mid-life crisis. And I say, "You are goddamned right it was!!" And I am eternally grateful for having it. The other thing that I will always be grateful for is this - after Karen and I had determined that our core values were not in synch (hers being "comfort and security" and mine being "growth and adventure"), and I had decided that I needed to leave, she said to me, "Johnny I do understand. I hate it but I get it. Please just promise me that you WILL go out and live a life of adventure and growth and contribution like you want to. Don't just fall into the same comfortable life with someone else. I am giving you my blessing to be you - please do something amazing with that."

That is absolutely one of the highest expressions of love I have ever known.

And I think I have done that, to a degree. Admittedly, I have taken some baby steps where I would normally dive in head first - but I think that is understandable given the huge life changes I was navigating, and the evolution of my responsibilities and role as a father, ex-husband, friend. It would have been selfish and irresponsible to throw caution completely to the wind and put everything into an untested venture. Instead, I straddled both worlds - one foot in the safe, known world that I knew would allow me to provide for my kids financially, and the other solidly on the path of adventure and innovation. Looking at the life I have today - especially the unique and amazing friendship I have with Karen (and I am SO happy for, and proud of, her for the amazing life she has built - beautiful home, fulfilling work, amazing blog, and her own awesome adventures) and the ridiculously loving, fun bond I have with Katy and Jack - I don't think I would change a thing.

And now I am poised to "boom" again! All of the pieces are in place to make a massive difference in the lives of a great many people and to really kick out the jams with Alter Ego Life Adventure Company. In fact, it is already happening. Since I began this blog post almost two weeks ago (yep, crazy huh?!) - in addition to running the Tough Mudder, MCing a wedding of great friends, canoeing north of Temagami with Jack and playing in the Father and Three Sons Golf Classic with my Dad and brothers - I delivered a day-long "Infinite Possibilities" workshop with rave reviews. Have fielded numerous inquiries to set up similar events with other groups. Taken on three new coaching clients. I have been contracted to speak at a college next month. I have been asked to help organize a broader regional workshop for natural health practitioners. And I have firmed up a contract for the largest single paycheque of my life. Not bad for a couple of weeks, most of which were spent having fun and living my awesome life!

Why? Because I simply decided that this is how it is going to be. I reaffirmed my belief in myself. I set my intention. I put myself out there. I trusted the Universe (if you don't think it works, read this!)

Nike says Just Do It. This was put more eloquently in the following quotation ...

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

~ Universally misattributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, but powerful nonetheless!

And a more contemporary expression of the same idea, IS definitively attributable to Ben Lee :)

And the VERY BEST PART! My dream, my job, my driving passion ... is helping other people find and act on theirs. How great is that?! As I often wrap up my Facebook posts ... "LIFE IS GOOD!"

Still searching for a motive ...

So, I was drugged on Tuesday.

Ok, I THINK I was drugged on Tuesday.

Except that nothing about the story makes sense. So, my 13 year old son, Jack, suggested I share my version and ask for suggestions as to what could have been at play. Here goes ...

I had a couple of meetings in Toronto Tuesday, and brought Jack to the city with me to longboard with his cousin, Grant. After connecting the boys in the morning, I attended my two meetings, taking me through into the early afternoon.

On my way across town, to my cousin's house in "The Beaches", I stopped to buy a Tim Horton's frozen raspberry-lemonade, a sweet - albeit unhealthy - treat. The older lady (65?) poured the syrup into the cup, followed by some slushed ice, and blended it up. When she handed it to me it did not look as pink as I'm used to - more orangey in fact. Walking down the street, it tasted less than great but was still cold and somewhat refreshing, so I finished it and thought nothing more of it.

I arrived at my cousin's to find no one home and the doors locked. They have a great outdoor sofa in the back garden, with a shade cover, so I laid out on that to enjoy some chill time before everyone got home. Soon I was drifting in and out of a very foggy sleep. At one point I heard voices in the house and called out to Grant's sister, Avalon, who opened the sliding door then carried on with her girlfriends. Next time I woke up I was sprawled on a pile of vinyl patio cushions in the basement. I vaguely remember walking up the stairs and finding the living room couch. Which is where is stayed for the next few hours.

During this uncharacteristic afternoon slumber I found I was somewhat aware of my surroundings but entirely unable to interact. Several times I heard the kids come into the room and comment on the fact that I was sleeping, but I couldn't open my eyes or speak, much less get up and join in any activity.

Eventually I "came to" and heard Jack and Grant on the upper level. I walked up and asked what was going on. They were playing computer games, so paid me little mind as I crashed on Grant's bed for another half hour. Then I must have wandered back down to the couch, because that is where I woke up when Suzy (Grant's mom and my cousin) got home. IT WAS 7:30PM!!!

We laughed at my sleepiness and chalked it up to some much-needed downtime. After a nice, casual dinner, Jack and I left at about 8:30pm. As soon as we got into the car we both noticed an overwhelming smell like cough syrup. On investigating, we found that it was coming from the empty Tim Horton's cup that had contained the frozen lemonade. I bundled it with other garbage and pitched it. In hindsight I should have maybe kept it to be tested.

Jack and I laughed about the strangeness of the afternoon and bantied around theories about what could have happened. He said that he was fairly certain he hadn't seen an elderly lady in a brown uniform and hairnet violating me on the couch. My wallet was in my pocket, with all of my cards intact. It looked like this one was going into the "mystery file".

A large Starbucks coffee got us safely through the drive home, then I slept soundly through the night.

So, I am throwing an open question out there.

W.T.F. ???????

Was I drugged? If so, why??
Could the syrup have simply gone bad? And why would it have affected me that way?
Am I just getting old and crazy?

All valid possibilities I guess. What are your thoughts?

Anyway, that is my story and I am sticking to it. Well, gotta go. My new neighbour just dropped off a tray of brownies. They look a little green but are strangely delicious. I think I will eat a few ...