Jitters Bugs?

What is that strange feeling I've had this week?

I know it is familiar, but it has been a long time. I do believe it is actually nervousness.

Nervousness fueled by ego, to be exact.

I am strangely blessed with an almost total lack of anxiety, particularly performance anxiety. My prevailing attitude is "So what?", "There is no such thing as failure - it's all success or experience.", and, as my inspiring friend Ray Morgan always says, "Show up and suit up. That's what matters most." . And the bigger and crazier the challenge I am facing the more this generally holds true.

So how could I possibly be nervous about having agreed to run an endurance event (marathon, 1/2 marathon, Tough Mudder, etc) training program at Mojo Crossfit, the great new gym in town?

I've completed the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon the last three years in a row. I finished the 45 hour 2011 Spartan Death Race (out of 255 registrants there were only 35 of us who hung in to the end, and the 220 DNFs included Marines and elite triathletes). This year, on top of the marathons, adventure races and Death Race, I am signed up for several ultramarathons; 160km in Haliburton, 125km in Alberta's Rocky Mountains, and a double crossing of the Grand Canyon - top to bottom to top, twice, non-stop.

I do not win these races, and my preferred metric is clearly "how far" over "how fast". But I am not training Olympians. These are everyday people who want to learn to run farther and faster, and I can help them with both. I understand basic bio-mechanics, and am well versed in Pose running theory. I know how to teach - having been a professional windsurfing instructor for years, and a nationally certified wrestling coach. Plus my experience as a professional hypnotherapist will be particularly valuable in training them to manage the mental and emotional aspects of endurance events.

So, I am certainly qualified. Then why the nerves?

At first blush I assumed it was a bit of "imposter syndrome". This past year I have received much praise for my Death Race result and, while enjoying the applause, I have at times considered that people's impression of my athletic ability may be tough for me to back up. But that is not it. I know that is ridiculous on many levels - people do not spend all that much time thinking about me (or anyone else, for that matter), and I am taking on racing challenges this year by which I am even astonished myself. So, no. It is goes a bit deeper than that.

But I have figured it out.

Since I started running, and racing, two years ago, I have been "the guy who can do it with almost no real training". My results don't have to be particularly stellar, because I can always highlight just how little sustained preparation I put in and we can all marvel at that instead. My good friend Mark Buckland calls it the "J-Dubstep method" (after I stayed up all night at a concert and after-party immediately before my last marathon). It is actually a nifty bit of "self-handicapping" on my part. Saves me from ever having to step up and see what I can really accomplish. If I truly train (as I am setting out to do this year), and train others too, I will be expected to perform on a whole new level - especially by myself! That is what I am afraid of.

This bit of reflection (in real-time, as I typed, by the way) has helped me enormously. By shining a light on my fear, I have also illuminated two other very important thoughts for myself.

First, the whole reason I joined the gym (and re-embraced Crossfit) was to ramp up my training significantly, so I can play these bigger and bigger games. And this opportunity to incorporate a solidly structured running program in that is absolutely invaluable. This is exactly what I want!

More importantly, this isn't really about me anyway. As a coach, it is my role to focus on my athletes' goals and help them to improve. My unique experience, and willingness to dig in and do the work with them, will serve them very well. And that is something I am very excited about.

So bring it on! Faster. Farther. Stronger. Together.

(*** Very inside reference in the title. "Bugs" is a nickname for me used almost exclusively by my Dad. But it fit so well with "jitters" that I had to go with it!)

"Does Any Of That Help?"

I received this message this morning ...

"John. Can I ask you a question? How do you manage to stay so positive? I have so much greatness in my life and my family but have struggled with depression and negativity for years. Trying to change this pattern of thought for me and my guys. Any. Suggestions? It would be much appreciated."


I started to type a quick reply, which immediately expanded into a mini-manifesto. Whereas she asked for this answer, you did not - so I have no attachment to your reading, enjoying or agreeing with any of this. I am not an expert in anything, and I accept wholly that anyone else's opinions are every bit as worthy of consideration as mine. This is not meant to refute or dismiss anything that you currently believe, as long as it is serving you well. Feel free to stop reading right now, or at any time! But, if you continue and my ideas resonate with you at all, that is a bonus for you and me both :)

Obviously I would not share a private communication like this if I felt it would in any way diminish or negatively impact my fellow correspondent. I have her permission to repost it and have ensured that there is nothing in it that would identify her or that should cause her any woe. So, with only a few very minor edits, my answer below is pretty much verbatim.

"First of all, I totally get that depression is a physical condition that you did nothing to "get". And it definitely creates a paradigm within which happiness requires more work.

And, at the end of the day, I honestly believe that ALL happiness requires work. Actually everything requires work, including being unhappy, and we end up working just as hard to maintain our undesired states and situations as we would our ideal ones. Everyone is always getting a result. It is just so often not the one that people wish they were getting.

So, they need to stop wishing. Wishing is, by definition, starting with a focus on what you don't have. It is an "if only" place to be. "I wish I had more money". "If only I had more energy". Etc.

I have chosen to not ever wish for anything. If I do not have something, so be it. If it is something that would benefit me and others in my life I will work to bring it into existence. And that may or may not work. And I will continue to not wish for it. I will be happy in its absence, and work towards its presence.

Did you read the blog I linked to today on Facebook? It pretty much nails it.

One of the most powerful ideas I have ever read is this one from Anthony De Mello ... "There's only one reason why you're not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it's because you're thinking about or focusing on what you don't have."

In 2009 there were a lot of things I no longer had. A beautiful wife, a big custom home, a successful business, any money. After working for years to achieve so much, I had taken a huge year-long gamble on politics and came up utterly empty-handed. In the aftermath of that, I hit the reset button on much of my life. Most friends know that I rolled up my sleeves and bartended/waitered that summer. What very few of them know is that I lived in my pickup truck the whole time. When I say I had NO money, I really mean it. I was absolutely broke, and whatever I made I gave most of it straight to Karen (and that was not nearly as much as it should have been) so that she and the kids could pay their rent and eat.

And, it was one of the best experiences of my life. I really truly learned what happiness is about. I got rid of 95% of every "thing" I "owned". I enjoyed the work and made sure I brought good energy to the restaurant with me. I looked at what relationships were truly important to me and nurtured them (including the one with my ex, Karen, who is one of my best friends and favourite people in the world). I recognized the difference I can make for other people just by being myself. And I had some peak experiences that so many people were missing - parking on a hilltop in a crazy thunderstorm watching the lightning sweep back and forth across Lake Simcoe all night, swimming at the beach alone at midnight, learning to meditate and losing myself in appreciation and gratitude. I realized that I actually still had absolutely everything. (And always will. Even in "worst case scenarios". An expanded topic for another time.) And from there, I quickly rebuilt an absolutely amazing life.

But what you really asked was, how do I maintain that perspective. And here is how. I do not let the bad shit in. Period. I no longer read bad news. I no longer let other people decide what goes into my eyes, ears, head. I do not have a TV. I will only speak with negative people about positive things. If I am raising their energy, great. If they are simply committed to lowering mine, neither of us will benefit from our interaction and I will not take the bait. I receive several emails a day with positive perspectives to consider. I have favourite blogs to which I go to refresh and recharge my good energy. I listen to positive music. I watch inspiring movies. I seek out motivating people. I read this essay on a regular basis. I develop healthy habits. I exercise my body and I stretch my mind. It really is that simple.

I know many people who dismiss all of this as "pollyanna" New Age bullshit. Which is fine. That is what I mean when I say that they will work just as hard to protect their worldview as I will mine. They are intent on my seeing life as a mortal struggle, where we are all being fucked over and must toil endlessly fueled by righteous indignation. And, of course, this is exactly how the world shows up for them and they continue to be "right". It is always possible to find something negative to be upset about, and theirs is just as valid as any other perspective. And just as invalid. And, it is definitely NOT how I choose to burn my brief candle.

I do not suggest that we put our heads in the sand, by any means. There is much we can do to improve the world, and there IS lots of "evil to fight". I just choose to do so joyously. I don't grumble anymore taking my recycling bin to the curb while glowering at my neighbours' garbage bags bursting at the seams. I no longer wish ill upon people with political views opposite to mine - as misguided as I believe they are, they somehow honestly believe that what they are promoting is correct and good. We can work as hard as we want to make things better. But if we allow our own energy to be drained and destroyed in the process we are actually becoming part of the problem.

“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no ‘brief candle’ to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it over to future generations”. George Bernard Shaw

A last thought. I have no idea if I am right or wrong. I have no idea what this life is supposed to be about, or if it is all there is or if it is part of a grand continuum of energy or if it is even real at all. And that is where ALL of the freedom lies. In NOT knowing!! Anyone who decides they really KNOW any of those answers immediately misses out on everything outside of the ensuing frame. And if we are going to be limited in our experience of Life, the Universe and Everything, we may as well at least choose the parameters for our own spiritual fences, no?

Just adopt or, better yet, make up whatever works for you! Whatever speaks to your Soul. Whatever expands and enlightens your Mind. Whatever empowers and emboldens your Spirit. Whatever enlivens and invigorates your Body. THAT is what you should do.

Does any of that help?"

"men's tights showing balls"

This may just be filler (as I tweak posts-in-progress of a more cerebral nature), or it may turn out to be a nascent masterpiece that needed to be expressed.

"But John", you say, "Didn't you just type "men's tights showing balls"?"

Yes. Yes, I did. And that is what this post is about. Not about men's tights showing balls. But about "men's tights showing balls".

Do you see the subtle difference? If my blog, "Living Myself to Death", were, in fact, about men's tights showing balls, I would understand why "men's tights showing balls" is one of the most common search keyword phrases that land people at my site. But it is not. So, I do not. And yet the fact remains that MULTIPLE PEOPLE have pecked "m.e.n.'.s  t.i.g.h.t.s.  s.h.o.w.i.n.g.  b.a.l.l.s" into Google and arrived at my blog.

Almost as confusing as it is awesome!!!

I first noticed this while ringing the bells for the Salvation Army Kettle just before Christmas. During a slow stretch, I was bored and playing on my Android. Exploring the stats function on Blogger, I discovered that I could see what words and phrases people were Googling to find me.

• "John Waite" (of course)
• "Johnny Waite" (my preferred name)
• "Living Myself To Death" (good, the name is getting out there) 
• "Spartan Death Race" (cool! proud to represent) 
• "men's tights showing balls" (um, WTF???) 

Once I had stopped laughing (well, to be honest, I am still laughing), I set about trying to solve this mystery. How was "men's tights showing balls" in any way connected to "Living Myself To Death"?

First, I typed "men's tights showing balls" into www.google.com. No sign of my blog. But I do, now, know where to buy dance belts.

Maybe I would have better luck at www.google.ca (what with being Canuck and all). Nope. Identical result.

So, then I tried Google Image Search. And BINGO!! PAGE TWO. This picture was there...

It is an image that I clipped from God knows where and included in my May 18, 2011 post "Down and Dirty Death Race Update". I was describing my recent training trip to Pittsfield, Vermont and making fun of myself for forgetting both my spandex underwear and my board shorts. I had a perfect plan for comfort, function and modest fashion - which went entirely awry when I realized I only had my running tights and nothing else. As I said in the blog post, "so I decided to be "THAT" guy - running in tights with no shorts and no underwear. HAHAHA!"

At least now the initial question was answered. But it really begs a number of follow up questions.

1. How did that photo become directly connected to that search phrase? 
2. Why does MY site come up in the search as opposed to whatever the source site was? 
3. And, perhaps most intriguing of all, WHO ACTUALLY SEARCHES "men's tights showing balls"??? 

I have, on occasion, checked back in to see what other bizarre search phrases I am now intimately connected to and, absolutely insanely, the only ones are variations of that same initial shocker...

• Someone from Bristol, England arrived from google.co.uk on "Living Myself To Death: Down and Dirty Death Race Update" by searching for "freeballing men tights". (THIS ONE ACTUALLY SHOWS UP ON PAGE 1 OF THE GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH - along with this retinal retcher) 
• and then there is "running without underwear" ... IN WHICH "MINE" IS THE VERY TOP SEARCH RESULT IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! (and through which I was introduced to perhaps the most ridiculous piece of clothing on the planet ... really? REALLY???) 

I'm #1!!! I'm #1!!! I made it Mom. I made it! Barefoot running is so 2011. 2012 will be all about "bareback running". And I will be the obvious messiah of this new movement. (Vanessa and Lou, we should probably cross-reference our blogs to avoid confusion. I will send barefooters to you, and please direct the freeballers my way.)

One last thought on this subject. The blog post at the center of this phenomenon is my most read page by several hundred hits. At first I had assumed this was simply due to the popularity of the Death Race, but any critical analysis of this hypothesis would quickly reveal that none of my many other posts about the same race have anywhere near the traffic. So, this means that HUNDREDS, probably even THOUSANDS of people, (MILLIONS???) are searching specifically for pictures of men running without underwear with their jiggly bits on silhouetted display. Ah, what a wonderful world!

Sing us out, Spongebob!!

What's the Frequency, Kenneth?

The past couple of days snuck up on me. At first I didn't recognize their awesomeness, and actually felt a bit "under the weather". But as I went to bed last night I was overwhelmed with gratitude and joy, and woke up still very present to those feelings. 

In the "micro", here are some of the things that have inspired and energized me these past 48 hours. 

• I have worked out with my sister.
• I have walked with my mom while watching the sunrise.
• I have talked with each of my brothers, both of my kids and my wonderful ex-(we prefer the term "erstwhile")-wife, and my dad, and told them all that I love and appreciate them.
• I have run at least 5km every day, even when I didn't feel like it.
• I had coffee with a friend who is bravely facing her cancer treatment.
• I had a serendipitous conversation with a stonemason friend whose first marble sculpture is being exhibited at that very same coffee shop - and he shared with me that it was after reading my 2011 blog post, "Life Lessons From a Stone Sculptor", that he was inspired to finally try his hand at artistic expression after decades of telling himself he couldn't do it.
• I was able to pass on some "found $" (a restaurant Gift Certificate) to a friend who has been struggling of late. Remembering not long ago being in a similar situation, and how much I enjoyed being able to take my kids out to dinner while utterly broke, it gave me so much joy to know he could do the same.
• I watched my first half hour of TV in months - my brother-in-law hosting me and a friend to watch the Season Five premiere of Californication (yep, a wonderful "guilty pleasure").
• I sold one home and listed another.
• I had an hour long visit with Tyler Burtch, one of the most successful, inspiring, positive people I know.
• I was keynote speaker at the Lion's Club dinner meeting, recounting my Death Race experience.
• I met with Sarah, owner of the phenomenal Quaker Oaks store in Orillia, to plan our upcoming Film Series - screening only inspiring, uplifting, consciousness raising movies monthly in Orillia.
• I met with three new coaching clients, all of whom have exciting and enormous life changes they are embarking on. What an awesome opportunity and privilege I have, helping people take on what is important to them :)
• Had an amazing conversation with a new friend, on my way out of the gym this morning, that was full of promise of collaborative endeavours to make the world, and Orillia in particular, even "perfecter".
• I contributed to Theo Simm's successful "Kickstarter" campaign to produce his first CD. More important than my $11 pledge was my being one of his many friends who shared the link on Facebook, helping it go "viral" as he raised more in the last 15 hours than in the first 30 days. I am so excited to hear more of his beautiful music and message.

So, on the heels of all of that, I posted this as my Facebook status update this morning before heading the the gym at 5:50am...

And I absolutely LOVED that comment ... "What's the Frequency, Kenneth?" ... which I interpreted to be a beautiful way of asking "Why are you always so happy?". "How can we get some of that?". "Where does one find such miracles?"

That is actually something I am asked a lot. Socially, it leads to so many wonderful conversations. Professionally, much of my "life adventure coaching" revolves around helping people discover what frequency they want to tune into, what will make them happy, and designing their lives around that clear signal.

Because, just like a radio dial, there are many frequencies to choose from in our lives. I could have made a list just as long as the one above, instead cataloging everything that has gone "wrong" so far this week. I have been late for appointments, been up at night sick to my stomach, bounced a pre-authorized payment after putting $ in the wrong account, had my car backed into, spilled a bucket of muddy water on my carpet, and so on. But rather than seeing those as definitive of my day, I choose to accept them as simply part of a full, wonderful life.

More than perhaps anything I have studied or read in the past several years, this essay by Rob Brezsny has had the most profound impact on my thinking. Entitled "Glory In The Highest", it is from his magical book "Pronoia: The Antidote to Paranoia (How The World Is Conspiring to Shower You With Blessings)". It is a lengthy read but worth every second. In case you are going to (foolishly) skip it, I will give you the briefest summary ... 

"Let's say it's 9:30 a.m. You've been awake for two hours, and a hundred things have already gone right for you. If three of those hundred things had not gone right — your toaster was broken, the hot water wasn't hot enough, there was a stain on the pants you wanted to wear — you might feel that today the universe is against you, that your luck is bad, that nothing's going right. And yet the fact is that the vast majority of everything is working with breathtaking efficiency and consistency. You would clearly be deluded to imagine that life is primarily an ordeal."

Life is not good or bad. It just is. Life happens. Lots happens! More than we could ever consciously take in. So, we only experience and internalize a very small fraction of everything that is going on around us. Unfortunately, most people do not choose to take control of process, instead allowing their focus to be dictated by others. Newspapers are overflowing with the "bad" news. Friends and strangers alike want to complain to you about "their awful day". Marketers constantly try to remind you of what you don't have.

Yet, at any time, you can turn your attention to something for which to be grateful. You can find something to smile at. You can take an action that will improve the lives of people around you.

I already know that some of you are saying, "Easier said than done!" How do I know this? Because some of you have said it directly to me before. And from where you are right now, that may be the case. You may be sick. You may be broke. You may be lonely. I have been all of the above, but have never seen the sense in compounding that with being sad or mad too.

So, what's the frequency, Kenneth? How do I tune myself into the signal that allows me to see the positive, to focus on the good, to be happy?

This is where we go to "the macro". The big picture. What is all around you. It has never been easier to customize your own experience of life. As easily as checking your email or your Facebook, you can begin to completely renovate your worldview. There is a great expression "Garbage In Garbage Out" - which means, if you take in crap, that is what you will produce. If you eat shitty food you will have shitty energy. If you are bombarded with negative information your attitude will be negative. Conversely, if you consciously "consume" more good, positive, healthy stuff your life will change for the better. There are all kinds of major life changes you can make regarding diet, exercise, lifestyle, relationships. Those are all too big to tackle in one quick blog post. But there IS one very simple thing you can do that will improve your life in all these areas and more. Overhaul the information coming in, immediately.

Every single day of my life I receive dozens of positive messages, newsletters, videos, songs, quotations, ideas, etc. With zero ongoing effort on my part. And every day I actively filter out more of the useless, disempowering information that tries to sneak through. Want to change your life starting now? Do the same.

Granted, not everyone wants to see the world the way I do. And that is great. If what you are doing is working out for you, press on (and feel free to share some of your "secrets" with me, as I am always open to more of what works!). If you have read this far, though, I am guessing you do have some interest in hearing what it is I have to share. So, here goes ...

1. Subscribe to these blogs, and receive daily and weekly newsletters full of phenomenal, positive, actionable ideas ...

2. STOP READING OR WATCHING OR LISTENING TO THE NEWS !!!
If you need to stay current on some topic, search for stories only about that. There is zero benefit to being informed about every rape, murder, robbery, fire, bombing, scam, virus, outrage that does not directly affect you. This is the worst, most useless mental noise and also the easiest to tune out completely. Here is a great post on how to break your "news addiction" ... http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/09/overcoming-news-addiction/



3. Visit this website to see thoughtful, intelligent, transformative ideas presented by gifted speakers...




One of my very favourite TED Talks ...

4. Subscribe to this daily email

5. Listen to any song by this musician...



Especially this one...

6. Tell someone today that you love him or her, and tell them why.

7. Please please please keep sharing your positivity with me. Having pushed good energy for so long, people now associate me with it and the massive benefit in that to me is that every time I open my email or Facebook page there is a link from someone to something beautiful and inspiring. So, send me your favourite songs, talks, videos, newsletters, blogs, quotations, etc and I will spread the love :)

8. Bonus ... spend just a few minutes a day, everyday, thinking about what you already have to be grateful for. If you don't know where to begin, take less than 3 minutes and watch this ...

Taking Stock and Stocking up

This is a fun time for many - full of renewed hopes and elevated expectations. Of course, the reality is that this day is no different than any other. It is just a series of moments, each one of which is the only moment that exists and within which you have all the power of creation. But we deem it to be a special day and, therefore alone, it is. (Still, I believe the secret lies in treating every single day like New Year's Day ... because it is. And can you imagine if you renewed your resolutions every single day, instead of just the once each time the Earth completes a 585,000,000 mile trip around the sun? How would your life unfold then?)

But back to today, New Year's Eve. This is my 43rd New Year's Eve. Looking back, I celebrated the first dozen, at least, at home with my parents. Then a half dozen out with friends, tobogganing or skiing or the like. The next ten or so are pretty fuzzy to be honest (honouring that age-old tradition of inebriation). Then I spent the next several with my kids, shouting "Happy Jun-years!!" at 10pm to convince them it was time! Tonight I am home, on call for my kids, as they straddle the teenage line between "tobogganing" and "fuzzy". I love that we have a relationship in which they can be honest about their plans and know that my intention is to protect them and not restrict them. So, my cell phone is charged up and at my side. As is my mug, but just with coffee :)

It was with those very same teenage kids that I had a fantastic lunch today. This was our third straight New Year's Eve Summit, where Katy and Jack and I go to a favourite restaurant, with a fresh notepad, and make two lists.

The first list is a Highlight Reel of the calendar year that is ending. This is such a fun exercise. You would be surprised by how much you forget, or take for granted, until you start writing it down. Achievements, milestones, trips, events, insights. Once you get the pump primed they will just keep coming. And it is such a great feeling to bask in 12 months worth of celebration all at once.

Then, as soon as we have fleshed out our lists of what WAS, we turn our attention to what WILL BE in the year ahead. This is not just a wishlist, though there is that component. This is an act of creation. We are actually intending our next 365 days. Everything that goes on the list must be something that is exciting, inspiring and real to us. And by sharing and recording each commitment, we have taken the first step to bringing that result into our respective realities.

As evidence of the effectiveness of this ritual, each year we also look back and compare what we have done with what we set out to do. It is truly remarkable to see how much of that list gets "checked off". Jack did every single thing he set out to do in 2011, and much more! Katy only missed getting a summer job and attending summer camp, but that is because she far exceeded her expectations in wrestling and qualified to compete for Canada at the Pan American Championships in Mexico and then spent the rest of the summer in Poland and Germany wrestling at their national training centers. My year was everything it was designed to be, with the resulting momentum carrying me even farther.

Here are our "GREATEST HITS OF 2011" (Not in chronological, alphabetical, monumental, or any other kind of order. This was pure stream of consciousness, baby!)

Katy:

 

Silver at wrestling nationals, Bronze at Canada Cup, 43kg for Team Canada at Pan American Championships in Mexico, Ontario Development Program camps, Summer wrestling in Poland and Germany, undefeated in regional wrestling, Gold at GBSSA, two wins at OFSAA, learned to backflip on trampoline, excelled at flag football for school team, bought Canon EOS Rebel DSLR camera plus zoom lens, honour roll, pierced belly button, played baseball, season pass at Canada's Wonderland, skied at Horseshoe Valley with season pass, learned to play squash, worked out at YMCA, went to Great Wolf Lodge with extended family, ran a 22 minute 5km in fitness testing, learned to waterski, coached youth basketball, retired from wrestling happy and proud.

Jack:

Attended Camp Bisco music festival in NY State, epic canoe trip on Missinaibie River, week long paintball camp, snowboarding at Horseshoe Valley with season pass, got MW3 for PS3, crewed for Dad at Death Race in Vermont, volunteered at Spartan Race, trampolining on Thursdays mastering all sorts of flips and twist combos, played flag football, played baseball, played soccer, learned to play squash, Canada's Wonderland season pass, brand new snowboard and gear, Great Wolf Lodge with extended family, fixed both paintball guns, learned to wakeboard, mastered kneeboard 360, waterskied, Long Point camping trip and skimboarding, caught "record" stringer of pickerel that fed eight, got certified for weight room at YMCA, saved up and bought Mac Book Pro laptop, got Countour HD camera, made first snowboard movie with awesome dubstep soundtrack.

 Johnny:
Completed 45hr Spartan Death Race (against considerable odds), raised over $6,000 for Pediatric Oncology Group of Ontario, did two Death Race training camps, Easter Weekend hike, third straight Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon, attempted first 100 mile ultramarathon, travelled to Pittsfield VT in fall to help repair damage from Hurricane Irene, epic canoe trip on Missinaibie River, Camp Bisco music festival, Skrillex in Toronto night before marathon (including afterparty), Girl Talk in London, Explosions in The Sky in Ohio, Ben Harper at Sound Academy, Ray LaMontagne at Massey Hall, Blitzen Trapper at Opera House, completed Scuba Diving certification, hosted 13 episode season of Rogers TV "Arts Scene Orillia", started snowshoeing, coached Mariposa Wrestling Club including at national championships, ran in Snowflake Series of 5k and 10k races, First place team in Dragon Boat Festival, helped several friends with key real estate sales, played squash with kids, organized "4000 Ways to Fuck Up a Ten Mile Run" (over 100 people doing epic all day workout at same time across 5 countries), hired to speak to Ontario Provincial Police GHQ re "Leadership Lessons from The Death Race", spoke re Death Race to several service clubs and schools, hired to present to Ontario baseball umpires clinic on "Stepping up to A Bigger Game", furthered hypnosis practice and assisted many people, developed coaching business, coached 4 month Self-Expression and Leadership Program, made many phenomenal friends in racing community, committed to absolutely awesome racing schedule for 2012, spent lots of great time with parents and siblings and nieces and nephews and cousins, published FIFTY blog posts with over 17,000 views.

I am sure that we all left out things that we will remember later, but you get the idea. When we write it all down it is a pretty neat list to on which to reflect.

So, with that energy to draw on, we each began to map out 2012 ...

Katy: summer job, summer soccer or lacrosse, baseball, play Lakers basketball, attend World Electronic Music Festival, honour roll, skiing at Horseshoe Valley, Spartan Race, photography course, beach camping at Long Point, badminton team, flag football team, run cross-country, squash, soccer team, working out at Y, trampolining, Canada's Wonderland pass, play in school band, One Direction in concert, Summer Rush Music Festival, SWEET SIXTEEN!!

Jack: snowboarding at Horseshoe Valley, making great videos with Contour and Mac Book Pro, summer soccer, attend World Electronic Music Festival, baseball team, paintball camp, lots of wakeboarding, canoe trip, Spartan Race, Long Point beach camping, working out at Y, play squash, trampolining, Canada's Wonderland pass, graduation, Grad Trip, start Grade Nine at ODCVI!!

John: Death Race, Winter Death Race, 100 mile ultramarathon, 3 adventure races, 4 marathons, triathlon, Tough Mudder, World's Toughest Mudder, Spartan Race, Spartan Beast, Warrior Dash, run in Snowflake and canirunning series, extend barefoot running, "Burpee Mile", start Hash House Harriers club in Orillia, launch consciousness raising film series, squash with kids, run every day (totalling at least 2012 kms), meditate every day, build speaking business, build coaching business, attend World Electronic Music Festival, canoe trip, snowboarding, wakeboarding, coaching wrestling, Canada's Wonderland pass, GoRuck Challenge in Iowa, new tattoo (galactic butterfly - "hunab ku"), Grand Canyon Run - Rim 2 Rim 2 Rim.

So, while tonight may be just another night and next year may be just another year, I am spending tonight pretty damned excited about next year! 

I highly recommend that you adopt this practice of "reflecting and projecting". Focus on the good stuff and you will see it expand exponentially.

A great big grab bag of goodness :)

Few words (saving those for tomorrow, after the kids and I do our annual year end review and year ahead planning lunch).

Instead, for tonight, here are some wonderful tidbits I have found and been sent recently ... OK, a whole big bunch of them! Feel free to pick and choose - but I loved them all ... enjoy :)

This exquisite short film (6 minutes), about a cross-country team honouring their coach, was sent to me today by Tash Baycroft.

ESPN: The Finish Line 2 - Short Feature from Evolve Digital Cinema / IMG on Vimeo.




These gorgeous moon shots were shared by Vanessa Runs...


Beautiful lesson in meditating anytime anywhere instantly 
... shared by Linda Ryersee (2 min)



Dilbert is AWESOME!



Shared by Joseph Beckett ... (5min)



Shared by Sherry Matson ...




"Fishing with John" ... the most bizarre fishing show ever ... 
shared by Alex Richardson (5min)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fishing_with_john



From Laura Paulo...




Sorry about the invective, but I actually love the energy and philosophy... (3min)




Posted by Sharon Lem ...



Shared by Amanda Woodman ... (2min)




Posted by Jeremy Burningham ... (5min)



From www.thebloggess.com ... posted by Karen Johnston Waite

Tightrope walker

DECEMBER 29, 2011

in IF I WAS A DOG I'D BE DEAD BY NOW,MIXING MEDICATIONS,MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE,RANDOM CRAP

Today I turn 38.

Marc Davis' concept painting for Disney

37 was a hard year, but a good year.  It was a year of hospital beds and wheelchairs, of worry and mental illness, of fear and more fear.  It was also a year of being ridiculous and silly, of finding drugs that helped more than hurt, of laughter and finding my tribe, and of being furiously happy and stepping out onto shaky  limbs I never dreamed I’d reach.

I got this print last week.  It’s the concept art from The Haunted Mansion.  The girl in the final version they used looks very different – wan and bereft and abandoned.  But this one was peculiarly contrary.  It was perfect.  When I saw it in the shop I knew I had to have it because it was the first time I saw a painting that seemed so perfectly “me.”

Victor stared at me, baffled, and pointed out how wrong that seemed.  ”It’s a girl on a frayed tightrope about to fall into the mouth of an alligator.  That’s pretty fucking bleak even for you.”

But that’s not what I see.

I see a girl intent on enjoying the sun while it still shines, smiling vehemently,  indignantly, and entirely celebrating a shining perfect moment even as alligators swim underneath.  Victor said she seemed oblivious, but she’s not.  She knows the alligator is there.

The alligators are always there.

They remind her to smile and enjoy those perfect moments whenever they arise, because life without fear is not a life fully appreciated.  She smiles – not because she’s unaware of the alligators – but because she’s aware of them and because she knows how wonderful it feels when they release their jaws from your ankles.

If you look online you’ll find a lot of critics who claim that the original tight-rope walker’s too-open eyes suggest that she’s just bat-shit crazy…too numb with fear to even understand the danger.  Her mind has snapped, and now teeters slowly, detached from reality.  I can’t argue with that, because that fits with my personality a bit too comfortably as well, but I still prefer to see what I see…a girl who has won a battle.  A girl who appreciates those moments between maulings.  A girl who knows all too well the dangers and pain around her but who has made a conscious and complete decision to be furiously happy in spite of it all.

A girl who knows how to wield a parasol like a fucking ninja.

I see me.  Proudly.

Happy birthday, me.

Look out, below.

I forget where I found this but the mom's laughter is the best thing ever!
(1min)



Forget who shared this but it is great ...




The words to this song are truly magnificent ... (6min)




Clips from various Spartan Races (Sprint, Super, Beast, Death Race) ... (4min)

How to be a hero...

he-ro  [heer-oh] noun, plural -roes;

a [person] of distinguished courage or ability, admired

for his [or her] brave deeds and noble qualities.

Who are your heroes? Why? What is it that you most admire about these people?

I have a lot of heroes. My parents. My kids. My high school coaches/mentors. My young neighbour, Melanie McPherson, who was born with cerebral palsy but at 20 finished a triathlon, plays hockey and learned to fly a glider in Air Cadets. My heroes also include friends, new and old, who go after their dreams and really live their lives on their own terms. Each one is someone like whom I strive to be in some way.

Many of my heroes are up to indisputably incredible things!

• Ray Zahab is running across South America in February, averaging almost 100km per day as he goes from ocean to ocean. (Ray told me today that he will only run 80km/day the first few days, as they will be ascending in the Andes Mountains!)
• Jason Jaksetic is wrapping up 2011 by competing in EpicMan - a TRIPLE Ironman triathlon in Hawaii (there are only ten athletes even willing to start this race). I spoke with Jason yesterday from Honolulu and he said he is looking forward to being wholly absorbed in the experience of the race. A consummate poet/athlete he describes it in his blog this way ... "The triple ironman will be the unfolding of myriad nows."
• Joe Decker repeated as Spartan Death Race Champion in June, showcasing the attributes that had Guinness Records recognize him as World's Fittest Man. Joe also runs the top boot-camp fitness programs in San Diego and is enormously generous with his time and expertise.

It is easy to put people like this on a pedestal. "THEY live UP THERE, and I will admire them from DOWN HERE." There is a trap in deifying your heroes - allowing yourself to believe that you are not also capable of such extraordinary adventures and accomplishments.

Here is the thing... Ray, Jason and Joe were not always "heroes". While all three are now the nicest, coolest, most inspiring people, they were once, by their own account, anything but. 

Not long ago, Ray was an overweight, hard drinking, pack-a-day smoker. On New Year's Day 2000, he looked at what his future held and decided to turn things around.

2000 was also the year that Joe Decker claimed his Guinness title, but only a few years before that he was floundering in his late twenties, strung out on cocaine and contemplating suicide.

Seven years ago, not only was Jason not an elite athlete - he describes himself as having been a complete couch potato, depressed and wondering where to even begin. Jason very generously shares his own ups and downs in the wonderful blog "Heavy Into Overwhelming".

What these three have in common, not just with one another but with every single person who has achieved big things, is that they chose to become heroes in their own story, and got down to the business of doing so. As can you!

So, have you? Or are you still outsourcing that position to others?

You don't have to be born with a silver spoon to succeed. And you don't have to drag yourself from the gutters to become an inspiration to others. Start wherever you are with whatever you've got. Pick something that you "wish" you could do - that you've admired others for doing - and just start doing it.

The amazing thing is how much more you will end up doing than you had even imagined! When Ray went for his first jog, he likely didn't see himself running across the Sahara Desert in a documentary produced and narrated by Matt Damon. Joe's first trips to the gym to clean himself up were certainly not with world records in mind. And Jason would probably never have left the couch if he thought it meant ultimately having to swim more than 7 miles, then bike 336 miles and finally run 78.6 miles, for almost 60 straight hours.

In my case, I arbitrarily decided to run a marathon in the fall of 2009 just so I could say I had done it (mostly as catharsis for a draining, challenging, humbling last three years). With no training... in shoes that were 15 years old... having not raced since Grade 9 X-Country, nor even jogged since university in the late 80's... I finished. Not fast. Not pretty. But I finished.

The next summer I ran a Spartan Race - a 5km obstacle race at Mont Tremblant, Quebec - with some friends for a laugh. This time I had six months of Crossfit training under my belt and finished in the Top 10%. Not bad for an old guy. Then a few months later ran a second marathon, shaving 45 minutes off my time. In the afterglow of this I made a huge leap of faith, signing up for The Spartan Death Race, knowing full well that many athletes vastly superior to me failed to finish every year. In order to finish The Death Race, I would need to become my own hero.

This blog was actually born of that decision, and pretty thoroughly chronicles the training in the six months leading up to this June's race. As you know, I ended up finishing. One of only 35 out of the 155 who started this 45 hour epic trial (and 255 who registered). Then, before that could swell my head too big, I registered for a 100 mile ultramarathon less than 3 months later and DNF'd (dropping out about 40 miles in). Then bounced back to finish my third straight Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon in October.

And a funny thing happened along the way. Suddenly I was other people's "hero" too! From my niece to complete strangers. I received messages almost daily from folks telling me that I inspired them to set bigger goals for themselves. I made a new friend from Texas who had been following this blog and decided to compete in Death Race 2012. Even just today I opened an email from another aspiring Death Racer thanking me for my inspiration and asking for tips and advice. From me :) Who would have guessed that two years ago?

Along the way, a friend introduced me to an extraordinary writer/trainer named Nate Green. Nate's philosophy, and the name of his blog, is "Become Your Own Hero". He even offers a free Hero Handbook! And he walks the walk. A smart, funny, straight-shooting, humble but totally confident dude, he went from complete unknown to, at 26, being able to say "Penguin gave me a book deal (crazy, I know), and I've been featured in the LA Times, Men's Health, and Men's Fitness. Plus my mom thinks I’m cool. That's gotta count for something." Nate's example and his work have made a big impression on me.

Recently I have been hired several times to speak about my Death Race experience. I am always asked the question "Will you ever do it again?". And the answer is "Of course! I am already signed up for 2012."

That is the huge bonus in becoming a "hero" - you start to think and act like one!! Not only am I reprising my Death Race participation in June 2012, I already have a rather heroic racing schedule laid out for the whole year ...

Death Race, Winter Death Race, 100 Mile Ultramarathon, 50 Mile Ultramarathon, 4 marathons, 3 overnight Adventure Races, GoRuckChallenge in Iowa, my first Triathlon, Spartan Race, Spartan Beast, Warrior Dash, Tough Mudder, World's Toughest Mudder, several 5&10km races, and a Rim2Rim2Rim Double Crossing of the Grand Canyon... so far.

In addition to keeping me busy, this will also keep me consistently in the presence of people who inspire me and push me to do more. I know that 2012 will include soaring successes and dismal DNF's. And I will keep this wonderful quote in mind all the way along ...

"A hero has faced it all: he need not be undefeated, but he must be undaunted."

Andrew Bernstein

  

This picture was recently shared on Facebook by another hero of mine. 
She is a long-time friend who, this summer, was ambushed and brutally
assaulted late one night as she left work. Despite almost being killed,
she recovered through the autumn and was recently able to identify her 
assailant who was arrested and charged with the senseless crime.
Her courage, grace and dignity inspire me and remind me that we truly
can rise above anything and be our own heroes.

Here is one more amazing example of starting where you are with what you have and becoming a hero ... I will continue striving to be an athlete, father, human like this ...